What Flavor Pringle's?

I awoke Monday morning feeling as I usually do; half-asleep and dreading the fact that Monday’s are my long days. Then I came face to face with a beast and was forced to “deal with it” since Justin had left for work. I wielded my samurai sword (bottle of spider spray) and valiantly battled until the death. It was the size of the guy’s head on a Pringle potato chip container when its legs were included in the equation. It did not have a cute bowtie and mustache however but a sinister pair of penises. Despite this fact I still exemplified courage in the darkest of times when it CRAWLED DIRECTLY AT ME. It even lifted its front two legs and shook its man parts at me like it was soliciting some kind of sex. Why spiders are always trying to get some from me, will forever remain my life’s greatest mystery... that and how to truly get through platform 9 ¾. Regardless, I feel that these events have again solidified that fact that I am a Gryffindor through and through. 

When Justin arrived home he did comment on the fact that the crumpled remains of the beast were quite large. He praised me for my bravery and promptly flushed my victim down the toliet. Today may have been a looong day but at least victory was mine. 

It should be noted that today I learned the man who invented Pringles was partially buried in a Pringles can upon his death.Which flavor of chips was selected to hold his remains? Why, original of course.

***Edit: I feel like I should clarify a few things, yes it was a spider I killed Monday morning, and yes it really had penises (i.e the punching bag looking participles on hobo spiders which I am 99% sure are their reproductive organs but I am still too shell shocked to try to Google hobo spiders to see if their punching bags are indeed penises).

Photo Credit: LOTR

Scentsying Trouble

Things have been busy busy around these parts. Of course that is nothing unusual. Yesterday Justin was scrambling after work to get ready for a little photo shoot we had scheduled with a friend of mine. We have one of these in our bathroom:

For those of you who are unfamiliar it is a Scentsy candle. Essentially hot wax sits in the little pot above the lamp to provide for a nice ambiance in the bathroom. Scentsy is Justin’s kryptonite. He hates seeing wax in the Scentsy pot. Whenever he witnesses the uninterrupted hot liquid lazy-ing around he simply must cause an eruption of sorts and get it all over himself and anything else in sight. Past occurrences have included; getting it in his hair, on the counter, on the floor, in the sink etc. 

I would provide photo documentation of the hot wax explosion that occurred yesterday all over Justin’s bathroom supplies and hands, (a nice paraffin wax dip I might add) but our bathroom looks horrendous with the remnants of wax slathered over everything except the toothbrushes (thank goodness).  So today I will be scraping up whatever bits I can between the hours of homework I have. *sigh. Justin sure does know how to make a ho a house wife.

Blueberry Girl- (the one time you will hear me talk about a diet... feel free to skip reading this snooze fest)

I am terrible at voicing/revealing anything food related. I have reluctantly accepted to partake in a one week clean eating challenge with one of my best friends and some of her other gal pals. It is much needed since diet is just a four letter word that goes out the window when I am immersed in the demanding environment that is school… well diet is not really something I ever do anymore to be honest. I am trying my best to express my journey. If I could show you all an interpretive dance right now I feel the proper message would be conveyed however I am both horrible with a camera and terribly self-conscious. I apologize in advance if you are bored to tears with the following post.

I have yet to food prep, and I don’t know that I will (never have food prepped ever). Fortunately for me Justin grocery shops while I am in school. The majority of the time he cooks for us also, so food prepping is not something that is necessary. Be jealous. My goal is to make it thru the week (7 days commencing Monday and ending Monday) eating clean. I normally sustain a pretty healthy and well-rounded diet constantly without really trying. I feel this is owed majorly to the fact that I am vegan; the OCD kind of vegan that will not eat anything I do not recognize on an ingredients list which forces a great many processed foods out of my life. Occasionally I deviate from eating healthy. This typically happens when I starve all day long like today.

Today I had black coffee this morning, a couple of crazy bread sticks from Little Caesars (sans cheese and butter) which were left over, and then fasted all day until about ten minutes ago when the hungry monster escaped from my loins (I rapidly consumed udon noodles with spicy peanut sauce that I made from scratch with actual fresh ground peanut butter, fresh squeezed lime juice, sesame seeds, cayenne pepper, freshly chopped chives and ginger). I then was still starving and ate toast… toast with peanut butter and cacao bits on top. Now I am considering my cupcake which is vegan and gluten free from Whole Foods. I know I need to eat it tonight since tomorrow I need to eat clean (also tomorrow is when the Hogwarts Express leaves fyi- I won’t be able to celebrate the holiday with food *sigh)

My goal is just to try at this point. Seven days seems miniscule though I am sure half way into day one I will be huddled in a corner covered in chocolate and French fry bits. My friend is quite inspiring and has been very successful with the breadth of knowledge that she has gained from clean eating and working out. I doubt I will attain the heights that she has reached (pun intended) however I guess I will never know if I don’t try. *SIGH. (side note: feel free to click here to follow my friend on her journey if you are into that whole diet/exercise business)

Come on Hogwarts letter… come now so that I can be freed from this torture. I have a funny feeling that since I am instituting the word diet that I seriously will eat the unhealthiest that I have ever eaten in my life but as I said above; we shall see.This is likely what I will look like at the end of the week. I will be blue in color since I will be sad that I failed so miserably. 

Photo Credit: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory

Couch Eater

I went to see an old friend today which was exciting. It is nice to squeeze in some good ol' quality friend time every so often where I can. Especially when all the teeny boppers at college are picking on me lately. 

Upon arrival to my friend's home we entered her living room where she pointed to the couch and said to me, and I quote; "Don't eat that!"

Ba ha ha she knows me so well, of COURSE I would try to eat the couch because what else would I do when people invite me over? Instead of setting your unwanted furniture out by the trash pick up just call me and I will have it eaten up in no time. Love me some fiber.

Me after eating a couch. That is my friend in the background. She feels very irritated that I just ate some more furniture. Photo Credit: dailyanimallover.blogspot

Hangry Games and Mean Girls

I was feeling extra hungry the other day at the commencement of one of my lab periods. I had gone about seven hours without eating (technically like 20 if you count sleeping, skipping breakfast etc), and knew I had to last three more hours before getting some sustenance. Hangry was just starting to creep up on my mentality.

I put my book bag down and proceeded to open the drawer to gather my lab materials. The person across from me said very bitchily: 'You can't sit there.'

Me: Excuse me?

Bitchily One: I said you can't sit there. We did a seating chart last lab period that isn't your seat.

Me: I was told by the instructor we were waiting until this lab session to create a seating chart.

Bitchily One: Well that is wrong we did a seating chart. You can't sit there.

Photo Credit: Mean Girls

Me (sliding over one seat while shooting the most penetrating and evil glare I could muster): Okay...

Thirty seconds later....

Instructor: So I am passing around a seating chart since I neglected to do so last class period. Once you write your name down on it that will be your permanent seat.

Me:

Photo Credit: Predator

I hope she tries to sit by me anywhere, any day, any time in lecture, in lab, even if only for a moment to rest her dumbass... because I will tell her she is not on the seating chart...

Photo Credit: Tumblr

To end on a positive note, and at the risk of seeming very.. split personality-esque; someone posted this on Reddit the other day. and I find it delightful. It is Audrey Hepburn, which goes without saying but just in case you are unable to recognize her I thought I would enlighten you.

Au Nasty Naturel Lotion

I got a new lotion from the health foods store the other day. I have been trying to come up with the proper way to label said lotion –scent wise. I finally have arrived at what I feel is the perfect description: outhouse flavored candy scented.

Unfortunately for Justin I plan on using every drop of this stinky paste so as to not have wasted any money. I only put it on at night however because if I put it on during the day I fear that people who need to use the restroom will sniff in my direction and be highly confused. Perhaps they would even drop trou and relieve themselves on me. 

In other news the semester has commenced. Thus far I have had the pleasure of attending five of my seven classes. In those five classes I will be required to make a total of five presentations *sigh. If these go anything like the other times I have given speeches I will no doubt be talking about fornicating polar bears again. I have a tendency to black out if everyone in the room is watching me. Though I suppose public speaking (glossophobia) is the number one fear… the number two fear if I am not mistaken is pooping in public. I find this highly acceptable because it is just awesome that the number two phobia has to do with number two. Also if I ever accidentally forget to scrub off the outhouse flavored candy scented lotion maybe everyone will just fear me. 

 It should be noted that I attempted to find something which confirmed my listing of #1-2 fears however Google kept showing me photos of spiders. (Google you bastard! I thought we were friends) It has been a year since I have taken Abnormal Psychology, and though my memory is usually pretty accurate I could be mistaken about the most common fears. Please accept the following as my apology:

Photo Credit: pixdaus.com

Hairy Wizards

The dastardly GRE is at last over. Justin and I arrived home moments ago from our lavish stay at the Super 8 (Motel/Hotel??) in LaGrande, Oregon. The room we stayed in was quite something. It included a comforter which appeared to have not been washed in ages, an old boxy television set that was unable to hook up to my DVD player, a hotel lobby which smelled faintly of vomit, and a perfectly Feng Shui'd bathroom which caused Justin to hit his head not once, but twice on the towel rack.

Justin: I am going to take a shower.

Me: Okay.

BOOM

Justin: Ouch!

seven seconds later BOOOOOM!

Justin: OOOUUCCHHH!

I tried the hardest I could not to laugh but it was too damn funny after being cooped up in a car all day not to.

How I felt before the GRE:

Photo Credit:energyenhancement.org

How I felt after:

Photo Credit: Harry Potter

Also While searching for the above I stumbled upon this gem.