Got Me Some Fancy Pants

Remember when I told you about Justin’s horrible shirt that I hate-the t-shirt with the cut off sleeves?(click here)? Well I believe I have successfully found a method of retaliation towards the shirt he constantly threatens me with. May I introduce you to my new favorite pair of pants??? Incidentally Justin hates them. You should have seen the look on his face when I received them in the mail. *evil laugh.

Yes that is a sunset scene all over my legs complete with palm trees

So now every time you see Justin with me in public he will probably have on a cut-off sleeve shirt and I will be wearing these pants. In fact we may as well just face the realization that our Christmas card photos this year will probably be taken while we are dressed in our horribly clashing favorite articles of clothing. Feliz Navidad :)

There are technically rash guard pants so I can wear them in a pool too... so multi-functional (for a clearer view of the pants you can visit this website http://www.roxy.com/sunset-pant-leggings/rxyusarjx400069

Oh and what is that in the background you ask? Well that is a deluxe bottle of spider killer. This morning I sat facing the front door as I wrote a paper for school. Periodically (three times to be exact) I noticed movement and lifted my gaze from my laptop screen only to find eight legged beasts creeping in from under the door. You can see the big ass crack we have under the door since the weather stripping is quite faulty. Now the entryway is entirely lined with sticky traps. Since I erected the wall of death I have caught one victim. So that makes four spiders for today. *shudder.  Hopefully when Justin arrives home after work he will not get his big butt stuck in my perfectly assembled trap system.

Carne Aspider

Apparently spiders think they should fuck with me on Mondays. After volunteering, class, class two, and class three I arrived home to a jack hammer next door from the maintenance people swapping out the carpet. The neighbors decided to set up their lawn chairs directly outside of our front door and supervise the carpet swapping out. It was marvelously fun to try to get in and out of the apartment while they rubber-necked to peer inside our dwelling as we came and went. 

Then of course there was the screaming conversation Justin and I attempted to hold whilst the walls were vibrating. We made an executive decision to leave the premises and find us some dinner.

At last we arrived back home after my getting some Noodles and Justin getting his carne asana/asada?? fries… that is Spanish I think for meatalicious (incidentally he asked for no sour cream and wound up with extra… so much so that it appeared as though he had ice cream fries if that is even a thing). Yuck, let’s get back on track after that horrible sentence that was not even a sentence. So I put on my sweatshirt so I can be comfortable. I am sitting on the couch with my lap top catching up on Facebook when I look down and this damn white spider is crawling up my shirt a million miles per hour towards my face. I have no choice but to grab it with my bare hand because I am brain dead. I calmly stood up and walked to the sink where Justin was doing dishes and said: “you will never guess what I have in my hand.” I promptly washed it down the sink while I had a cardiac infarction and tried not to die.

Part of my thinks that it was the ghost of the spider I killed last Monday but it was more crab-like and less humongous. Anyway I nearly shit out Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory because that damn thing scared the hell out of me, and then it tried to eat my face. I hope that the past two Mondays are not indicative of how every Monday will be from here until the end of the semester because that is just no Bueno. 

This will be next Monday Photo Credit: Imgur

On a positive note: there was this extremely stinky smell coming from the neighbors for the past six months or so, I am hoping they finally had whatever issue they were having resolved with replacing the carpet. Talk about stank. 

***Edit- When I entered the meme it made my top paragraph weird and I can't fix it :(

Harry Potter and the Sorcer's Hallows

I was having a homework heavy kind of day. As a reward for all of my hard work, and in an effort to prohibit me from having a major melt-down Justin allowed me to pick the movie to watch for the evening. Unfortunately for him what he didn’t realize was that my brain power was gone.

Justin: Did you pick out a movie to watch?

Me: mmmrwwaghgh

Justin: Star Wars?

  

It was totally awesome because I did sound exactly like Chewbaca without even meaning to or trying. That is probably because I looked just like him that day since when I showered in the morning I hadn’t washed my hair and it was totally doing this weird thing. 

Anyway we wound up watching this weird 1990s Sandra Bullock film on Netflix which was awfully lame. Once it was over Justin was prompt in turning on baseball *sigh. Next time he tells me to pick what movie to watch I am going to say Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Hallows that way we get to watch all eight films back to back with no baseball in between. 

Happy Endings

Remember this? Well here is a conversation about it that I had with my sister the other day. 

Me: Did I tell you that Gonorrhea story?

Sister: What?! No!

Me: Well for microbiology class this year we had to pick a microorganism to grow as a “pet.”

Sister: … and you choose gonorrhea?

Me: no… gonorrhea chose me.

I feel like that could be a really good line for a commercial for anti-gonorrheal medicine. And that could be how I make a million dollars. And then everyone would be like; ‘how come you have a million dollars?’ and I would be like ‘gonorrhea.’ The End 

Black Friday

Justin and I were driving somewhere the other day. We were listening to the radio when this happened...

Justin: Oh my gosh this song is SO trying to be racist!

Me: What?

Justin: Why would someone make a song like this?

Me: Like what? (thinking in the back of my head about how much I hate spiders [the song was that Iggy Azalea song 'Black Widow'] but wondering why Justin would call the songstress a racist).

Justin: 'I'm a black with a baby,' what is the point of that?

Me: You mean, 'I'm a black widow baby.'

Justin: Oh... Ya that makes sense I guess.

Good thing we got that settled because had Justin accused Iggy of being a racist she'd be like:

Penis Cancer and the Like

I had my class about cancer on Monday. After my whole spider killing fiasco I was in a mood. I definitely had penises on the brain since I had been affronted with some spider-ific penises earlier that morning. We currently are learning about prostate cancer. The class is quite small (maybe 20 of us). I hide in the back most days; Monday was no different. The professor asked question after question about penises. I responded (by myself) the answers to her questions from the back of the room. “Semen, Erection, Viagra, Testicles.” I did not realize how much of a penis-obsessed person I sounded like until the end of the class period. Hindsight is always 20/20 as they say. Hopefully no one was sitting directly outside the room because all they would have heard would have been my periodic phallic outbursts. 

Later that I day I also discovered that I had somehow gotten toothpaste all over the bottom third of my hair. I attribute this to the fact that I almost died trying to kill that spider, but it was disgusting nonetheless. Quite frankly did not look like toothpaste. I also discovered the ‘XS’ sticker on my new shirt was still stuck to my left breast. Being as this has happened a good ten times in my life I suppose I am immune to the embarrassment it should have inflicted.

Also I found this on the internet (someone posted it on FB). If I were to ever become mad at Justin this would be exactly how I would respond if he asked the question outlined in the photo : )  

My New Pet Gondor

The leasing agent at my apartment complex made me mad the other day. On that particular day I was looking for something to swab with oil for my microbiology lab. We needed to swab something exposed to the elements in an attempt to pick up a microorganism to grow as a pet throughout the semester and ultimately give a presentation on at the conclusion of the class. The community exercise room lacks cleaning supplies so I knew that the handles of the machines would have something. And it was a win-win because there would be nothing readily available for me to clean off all the oil I wiped over the machine to piss off the land lady. 

I swabbed away and then transferred my sample to an agar plate and incubated it. Several different growths popped up but unfortunately I could only select one to grow and study as my "pet," I opted for the neon pink dot roughly the size of a pencil eraser. Upon further examination I am thinking the culprit could be gonorrhea. It mimics it under the microscope (with staining and motility). This means of course that instead of working out I should eat cake because I don't want gonorrhea. It also means that if Justin continues to not let me get a cat I can Eventually bring home my new pet (I might just have to name him Gondor because it just fits) to fill the void.