Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Man Date

As the time passes on day by day we excitedly approach the wedding of one of my best friends. Justin has been dealing with a lot of the behind the scenes drama that goes along with bridal shower planning. I can't vent to my BFF because she is the bride and has enough on her plate. Justin has of course been a rock in this sometimes dramatically turbulent time.

Justin also has tried to offer the best gift advice he could supply. He did not however find my gag gift lingerie outfit amusing. Something about those one size fits all ensembles just don't tickle his fancy. I found the highly inappropriate nature of it hilarious especially the groom-to-be wouldn't supply me with the bride's size information. Joke is on him because that is what he gets for not giving me the proper sizing information.

Justin has been feeling bad for himself because he feels my duty as maid of honor will force him to be lonely on the big day. The following conversation transpired the other day:

Justin: So... can you ask Jessica if I can bring a date to the wedding?

Me: Okay...??? Wait what?

Justin: Well I guess it can't be a girl but I could bring a man date.

Me: Wow...

Justin: I am not going to know anyone and I hate people I don't know so I want someone to talk to.

Me: Gee thanks fiance

Although in all fairness it is rather difficult when the bridal party gets split up from their significant others during wedding festivities. Hopefully Justin will have fun all by himself as I parade around with my BFF... Poor guy. 

Thursday, August 20, 2015

Try the grey stuff...

Disney Wednesday arrived again before I even knew it. Unless you count my utter and complete excitement leading up to Wednesday... I tell ta with working so much, and everything else that has been going on it is nice to have a little something filled with childlike wonder to break up the week. 

My selection for the week out of the choices Justin gave me? 

Why "Beauty and the Beast," of course. I realized that after one of my last blogs I was subconsciously sad about not selecting that film last time. So this time I gave into my inner psyche's needs. 

I wish I could say the grey stuff pictured above was my idea but it was my sister's. She is better than me at coming up with creative things. I searched for a recipe and discovered that in one of the Disney parks there is a Beauty and the Beast themed restaurant and they serve the grey stuff. Then I found a recipe online and altered it to vegan and made my own. 

It's really more grey than it appears in this photo but hey... I did the best I could. And truly??? It was delish! I also made pasta and French bread which is really more Italian but let's face it all I cared about was they grey stuff. 

Sunday, August 16, 2015


Sunday Funday is upon us. I spent the morning outside reading Harry Potter in the smoky air; being as we are currently amidst the worst wildfire ever. They said nothing interesting never happens in Idaho and now this. Pffft. 

Anyway it rains ash from the sky from time to time so I feel like the end of the world is coming. However I need to be outside since that is how I recharge. Here was my view this morning.

Notice the ambiance that emanates from the dilapidated dog house. Oh the mystery of what lurks inside... I'm sure 9,000 spiders. 

I had to call my dad today to see how his minor surgery went. Sounds like everything is fine and dandy which is great. I did speak to my mother for a moment. She was telling me about a new plant she purchased...

Mom: It's really nice you should get one. 

Me: Ya okay I usually kill plants but sure. 

Mom: It's called Justatise

Me: ... What?

Mom: J-U-S-T-A-D-D-I-C-E

Me:... Uhh

My sister in the back ground: it says just add ice 

Mom: apparently it's pronounced just.ad.dice but I pronounce it Justatise. 

Me dying laughing: No mom she is telling you it says just add ice it isn't the name of the plant. 

Mom: oh. Okay. Well Just.ad.ice is a nice plant. I need to water mine though it looks a little wilted. 

Oh the joys of my mother. I wanted to tell her to just add ice since it sounded like those were the instructions; but I didn't want to confuse her too much. 

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Vamped Up Disney Wednesday

In July when I took my blog sabbatical I am sure I left you all hanging on the edge of your seats when I mentioned Disney Wednesday's. Here is a link if you need reminding of the deets on Justin and my romantic -with an air of youthfulness -new tradition. 

I'm proud to announce that after the first fiasco things have been much better. Justin was up for week two. He selected "Wall-E," and picked up a Whole Foods buffet with cupcakes to capture the true essence of gluttony that is exemplified in the film. Nail on he head if I do say so myself. 

The next week I selected "Tangled," from the choices provided to me. I opted to do an angel hair pasta with garden veggies accompanied by a braided bread.
It was exquisite if I do say so myself. So exquisite in fact that I just pulled a second loaf out of the oven only moments ago. Justin asked me to make it to compliment his dinner tonight. I'm sure you'll all be holding your breath in anticipation of hearing the outcome :)

The other two weeks that passed involved the lion king where I made a savory pancake with veggies in the shape of a lions head with an avocado mane and chopped grape tomato face. Unfortunately for me the outcome looked a little like a rabid murderous lion so I didn't capture it on film. With that whole dentist/lion business  I figured it would just be too much for some people;) For dessert I picked up chocolate vegan ice cream and threw in some licorice bits as "bugs" since I didn't have time to find vegan gummy worms. Lastly Justin had "The Emperor's New Groove," and it completely slips my mind what he did because to my recollection it had nothing to do with the movie but I'm sure he doesn't day dream about obscure film connections to food all day long like I do. 

Monday, August 10, 2015

Unexpected Horrors

When I was a child I used to love to play with snakes, frogs, caterpillars (particularly the kind that turned into monarch butterflies), and once even a detached squirrel tail my sister found in the yard. We loved that thing, but even that couldn't compare to the fondness we had for roly polys. Ah many a summer we spent creating homes and mazes for our many-legged friends. We'd get in trouble for taking stuff out of the garbage to build mansions for them, we'd pretend they were having babies, we'd take them inside and place them on our jungle gym. Poor things. 

Justin is well aware of the many memories I've recounted to him surrounding my fascination with these jolly little bugs. When we moved into our house he discovered a nest of roly polys in that weird sprinkler box that most back yards have. Countless times he encouraged me to go lift the top off and pet the hoard of friends I would undoubtedly find there. 

Many a days passed and just this last weekend in the blazing sun Justin removed the top of the roly poly factory to reveal an atrocity. Black widows... Everywhere. Like 50 at least not counting the egg sacks. Imagine my near pooping pants experience as we attempted to spray them with poison. They resisted because they are such foul beasts. We went to plan B which included a tea kettle and pot full of boiling water. Being as those bastards likely come straight from hell I'm not sure if they survived the whole fiasco. Probably. And now they are probably peeping over my shoulder as I write this planning my death. 

Thursday, August 6, 2015

Beastly Appetite

Sometimes I get irritable when door to door sales people come by. It could just be me but more often then not they disrupt us during dinner. As any good sales person knows... Never come between a beast and her dinner. 

A couple weeks ago one such sales associate who was one of those weirdos that rides around in a van selling "magazines" and "books" for like two hundred dollars more than what they're worth. I sat in my lair out of sight from the front door and listened as a shirtless Justin entertained the sales bastard. 

'Just tell him to go away so we can eat,' I thought. My telecommunication channels seemed to be dysfunctional. I listened as the sales person literally asked Justin how much money he had on him right now so he could buy a vegan cook book. I immediately got up and stepped in front of justin. 

Sales Guy: oh you're vegan?

Me: we are trying to eat! Seriously you ask people how much money they have? No. I'm hungry go away! 

Then I shut the door. And I felt kind of bad. *sigh. 

Justin says I should answer the door every time a sales person is knocking. 

Monday, August 3, 2015

And They Lived Happily Ever After... Til the End of Their Days

Two Saturday's ago, July 25th, Justin prepared me for his absence by claiming he had to once again work over time. With a heavy sigh I consented to his need to be a responsible adult. While he was gone I planned an excursion to Jump Creek for later that evening. I excitedly reasoned that the time had finally come to gift a couple of beach towels to my hard working man because Jump Creek has a waterfall with a pool of sorts at the base and we anticipated swimming.

I had a fleeting thought that I had completely caught Justin off guard with this amazingly awesome gift. I was happy. 

We arrived at Jump Creek and parked by where we assumed the entrance to the hiking trail to the pool was. We climbed, and climbed then climbed some more. Sweat beads erupted on my forehead as I began to heave my thunder thighs up the mountain side. Thirty minutes later our path suddenly truncated to a cliff which only an expert rock climber could manage descending.
Dishearteningly we turned round and climbed all the way back to the beginning of the trail. 

With my legs like Jell-o (mostly from fear of careening down the side of the mountain and constantly flexing as we trekked the path) we decided to go ahead and follow the proper path to the waterfall. This was so very easy compared to the one we just completed. There was one bit which crossed a creek. Stones were dispersed throughout the water to allow for safe stepping across the creek. I had to get down on all fours to cross because the perilous two inches of water that lurked beneath the rocks was too much for me to wrap my brain around. 

We made it at last across the creek and to the waterfall.
We watched for ten minutes or so as the hoodlums littering the area drank beer and smoked cigarettes. We decided to call it good and head home. We reached the creek once more on the return journey and I once again placed my sunglasses on my face as I knelt down on all fours and started crossing the creek under the cave like structure it resides in. It very dark with my sunglasses on but I noticed Justin squat down. He was holding what I thought was a stick or a rock in his hand and he asked me to marry him. 
Totally and utterly caught off guard I immediately began repeating non-stop, "are you kidding, are you serious?" It was all I could come out with since tired Jell-o legged me assumed Justin was just trying to make me hurry my fat ass up. But dear readers I was wrong, and Justin was serious. And I said yes. 

So forever more I shall always remember Saturday last as the day the one ring was passed from a man to a woman in a cave deep within the misty mountains thus forging an impenetrable bond for the rest of all eternity. 

Sunday, August 2, 2015

Abandon Shitz

Man on Phone: Security

Me: Yes, I was coming back from lunch when I almost stepped in poop. 

Security Man: Okay?

Me: Yes human poop. There is a pair of lacy black boy shorts filled with feces in the parking lot. 

Security: Are you kidding me? That's disgusting. 

Me: I didn't know who to call but I didn't want anyone to accidentally step in it. 

Security: What is the approximate location of the poop?

Me: In employee parking... The last parking spot closest to the freeway. 

Security: Groundskeeping and House keeping will have to duke it out because I'm not cleaning that up. 

Seriously who poops their pants and then leaves the evidence in employee parking of the hospital??? These are strange times we live in. Shudder. 

Saturday, August 1, 2015

Engaging News

How strange is it that I selected August 1st as my blog return day instead of July 31st (J. K. Rowling and Harry Potter's birthday)? Weird. I need to be better at planning these things. 

While I was away something exciting happened... 

I know what you're thinking, 'Malina you spank Justin every damn day.' Yes this is true but look closer my friends:

Yup. It's official Justin decided to make me an honest woman. We are beyond thrilled. I was absolutely surprised and will share the engagement story with you soon. I just wanted to give a grand re-entrance because it felt appropriate. 

Now the real fun will begin with planning for our special day. Feliz Navidad :)