Tuesday, January 28, 2014

John Clancy

After Justin was locked out of one of his online accounts (he couldn't answer the question 'who is your favorite author?') we called tech support for assistance. The agent revealed that "John" was Justin's favorite author. Needless to say I picked on him for a few hours regarding his strangely vague choice.

Justin, in an effort to defend himself, came bursting through the door after work the next day proudly proclaiming that the John he was referring to was "John Clancy."
John Clancy: Tom Clancy's evil twin brother who wrote "The Hunt For Blacktober"

In other news we finally got a new water heater yesterday. This one is far less evil. I feel slightly back to normal now that I can shower in my own home without freezing.

Friday, January 24, 2014

Freezing My Ass Off

I have incessantly been listening to the "Frozen" soundtrack since I bought it in the latter part of November. I have also been begging Justin to take me to see the film. This week I began to leave threatening notices under pillows and around the apartment. We are going to see it tonight and I could not be more excited.
This official video *might* be a spoiler to the movie so watch at your own risk.
I hope Justin is not embarrassed when I sing along to every song that will play in the theater.

In other news our water heater broke earlier this week. The maintenance man has been here four-ish times to try and fix it. We are getting a new one on Monday. In the meantime we get to take a shower in a vacant apartment across the complex. The land lord told us all we should need is a shower curtain since she supplied the rod and stated everything else we should need will be in the vacant apartment. If you see someone's bare ass parading around your apartment complex you 1.) probably live by me and 2.) get to "bare" witness to my protest of the current situation.

I leave you with a photo of our evil water heater.
Something about it DOES NOT look right.. I can't quite put my finger on it.

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

Let's Just Skip It

What a stressful few days. I guess I thought I was Cat Woman when I decided to move while simultaneously starting school and a new job. What I failed to realize is I am more like a crazy cat lady in that I aspire to own several cats when I get older. My mistake.

We are mostly settled in our new place except that we don't have any hot water. I tried to play Ellie Goulding's "Burn" song to trick my mind into thinking the freezing water was warm while I attempted to shower. This lasted approximately seven long seconds filled with an alternation between the word BURN and various curse words.

Last night Justin and I laid in bed and speculated as to what the strange noises were that were being emitted from the upstairs apartment. We have narrowed it down to this; sex lasting over an hour with the headboard hitting the wall, erratic punching bag hits, someone playing Skip-It, or someone learning to pogo stick. Time will tell... Time will tell.. I sense an angry note in the near future.
Remember these? A good way to trick kids into exercising. Photo Credit: eBay

Economical.. Seems smart. I should get one for Justin

Extreme pogo sticking is a thing now apparently Photo Credit: http://online.wsj.com/news/articles/SB125141751150065273
At least there is this on the bright side. Justin bought me some pretty flowers yesterday.
I try to sparingly post the flowers I receive. At the minimum I am one of the lucky ones that gets them once every two weeks at a bare minimum.

And sent me this text message:

He knows me so well

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Nooks and Crannies... and Cracks

Justin and I enlisted the help of his parents to move us to our new apartment yesterday. We got mostly everything taken care of. Today I'm heading back to clean and gather the last few items we didn't have enough boxes for.

When we began searching for an apartment, Justin's only condition was that we had a kitchen with a lot of space... Here is what we ended up with:

Excuse the mess we are moving

Notice the ample counter space. His wish was my command. Justin doesn't often ask for much, but boy when he does? I deliver.

Needless to say Justin and I were both extremely exhausted from our move. We clambered into bed late last night. We had out backs to each other and I reached over my shoulder to touch him. When my hand made the connection I first thought I was touching a crevice between his shoulder blades. Once I determined that was not the case I assumed that his chest must be facing me and I must be fondling his moobs (man boobs) cleavage. Then much to my horror the truth dawned on me as I realized that I had been caressing his butt crack. It all happened so fast. In my defense his butt was up super high on the bed so this is NOT my fault.

Saturday, January 18, 2014

Oh yeah... it's supposed to be FOUR leaves

Justin and I decided to take a mini vacation to Jackpot, Nevada this past weekend. We didn't think that we had enough crammed into our week; what with my preparation for classes beginning, moving, starting a new job, volunteering etc etc... Anyway we like to gamble and we had a free room since we usually kick ass; so away we went. Our suite was located on the first floor; the same floor as the casino. On the inside of the door we had this notice...
A non smoking floor pffft

FYI guests are allowed to smoke in the casino. I think the hotel people need to reword their sign.

There was some nice artwork in our room. I think the employees decorated the room specifically for me.
"Excuse me sir, could you tell us where we could find the cake?"

"Hey you guys!"

Also I made Justin promise me that if he won a substantial amount of money that he would buy this baby for me.

Behold: the majestic horse dress
Then once I got it home I could bedazzle a unicorn horn onto the horse and wear it every day for the rest of my life. And if I ever have a wedding all my bridesmaids can wear one too...

I found this in the box of lettuce I brought with us so I figured we had a chance and good fortune:

Unfortunately we ended up losing like thirty dollars, and I did not get my horse dress. I. am. devastated. If anyone wants to donate the horse dress to me, I will probably accept it graciously. And possibly give you a photo of me wearing it while riding a unicorn.  


So apparently I am my own worst enemy because my 100th blog post was about Kevin Bacon *shudder. Also I play Word's With Friends because I am lame and I keep getting this for an advertisement.
I will NEVER tap Kevin...

Furthermore I have been having an identity crisis ever since I figured out that Bradley Cooper should play me in a movie. Consequently I have been having fun with this terribly addicting quiz website because obviously the internet can tell me exactly who I am better than anyone. You have probably seen some of the quiz results posted on Facebook from your various friends the past few days.I decided to share my results because they have nothing to do with Kevin Bacon.

First I took the Harry Potter quiz. I forced Justin to take the quiz as well. He got Harry Potter and I got...

I always thought that Albus had a little crush on Harry; now we know. It is so true.

Next I took the Lord of the Rings quiz. I got this...

What else did you expect?? *pats self on back. Justin was a hobbit.. I wasn't lying when I said he had big big toes.

If you need me in the next few days I will be at this website taking all of their quizzes rather than packing and moving to our new deluxe apartment in the skkkyyyy ♪♪♪


Thursday, January 16, 2014

Six Degrees of Bacon

I stopped by the store yesterday so I could restore my chocolate stash or pick up a few groceries… Anyway last night before bed I opened one of the chocolate bars and tore a small corner off the end of it for a small snack then wrapped the rest of the bar up and put it away. Inexplicably this morning the bar was half gone. When I am under stress I tend to do strange things in my sleep. Although my eating chocolate in my sleep is not that strange I guess. Either way I blame Kevin Bacon.

I watched some weird Kevin Bacon movie when I was younger, and it scarred me for life. I suppose this is good for Kevin Bacon because apparently he is such a good actor that he tricked me into believing that he does unspeakable things in real life. Ever since childhood I have fled the room whenever Kevin Bacon makes an appearance on the television. That stupid six degrees of Kevin Bacon or whatever the phenomenon is called, where he is always connected to you by some degree? That is my living nightmare. And FYI the way that I am connected to Kevin Bacon is that when my ex-boyfriend was a baby Kevin Bacon approached ex bf’s parents and told him that they had a cute baby. I should have known as soon as I heard that, that there was no way in hell that relationship would last.

Back to the reason for my original post; Kevin Bacon makes an appearance in “Crazy, Stupid, Love.” It is vastly unfortunate however I compromise by watching it since I thoroughly enjoy Steve Carell. I also find Emma Stone to be nothing shy of fantastic. And there is rumor that Ryan Gosling is vegan but I think a bunch of crazy people just make those internet memes pretending that he is vegan. I don’t feel like researching that. Also all of those people are mean to Kevin Bacon in the movie so that helps.
Justin and I watched “Crazy, Stupid, Love” the other day and I saw Kevin Bacon. Therefore I was under stress, and as logic follows he is the reason I had a middle of the night snack.
You may be wondering what this cat has to do with my post. I tried to google photos of Ryan Gosling punching Kevin Bacon but I got super grossed out because Kevin Bacon's face was EVERY WHERE. And he wasn't even being punched, he was staring into my soul. *shudder. Thus I googled cat in a shark hat and found this.
EDIT** I should mention that I read an article on the devil himself (Kev Bacon) like ten years ago. It said that Kevin Bacon hates big earrings. So, if you are like me and detest the very likes of his being I would recommend carrying a pair of extra over sized earrings with you in case of emergency.

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Not really a post... But if you need to know how to get from the Shire to Mordor take a peek...

I have been a busy busy little bee... Moving, new job, quick vacation and trying to get everything in line before the new semester commences. I feel bogged down. I discovered this on the internets today. Well someone else discovered it and it made me laugh so I shall pass it on to you now.

I should be back up and running as normally (or as normally as I do run) after the weekend. 

Pay mind to the yellow-ish box on the left below the to and from boxes...

Saturday, January 11, 2014

Home Fries

I spent the better part of the week with a Starbucks in hand, and a foot half way out the door on the way to view apartments. I also had to sport my new sunglasses that I finagled from the eye doctor the other day because I left my real sunglasses in my friend's car, and it has been exceedingly bright outside. And that is the definition of karma. I searched high and low for an apartment since our bathroom ceiling was covered in mold when it fell down a few weeks ago.
Also on our window sills I have come to notice...
I toured several places; including those with 1970’s carpet with piss stains all over it, a unit that had a balcony that faced the homeless shelter, a unit with a black and white tiled floor and robin's egg blue walls, and my personal favorite a building from the 1930’s where each unit included a basement dungeon torture chamber for “storage.” 

Justin and I anxiously waited as each application was submitted behind a group of other people looking for the only one bedroom units left in town. Anxious in the regard that we didn’t really know whether we wanted to eat lunch on our summer balcony while staring at homeless people, or take turns locking each other in our basement closet for a bit of sadistic fun. Each morning we received a call that someone else before us got approved. It was both refreshing and irritating.

We were about to throw in the towel and reside with his parents until something came available. Suddenly I received a call from a complex I had placed a call to a few days prior. The property manager had been out of town. She informed me that she had one couple coming to view the apartment, but that I could come immediately after them and get my application in line. An all too familiar story. I was pleasantly surprised to hear when I arrived that the couple never showed. Though the unit is a bit expensive for those that are comparable to it we proceeded with the application anyway. 

We were not approved, and now I am just going to go to the Humane Society and see if they have a cage available for us to sleep with the cats. Just kidding we were approved and we move into our “one bedroom efficiency unit” in a week. It may not have any kitchen counters but it also does not have any black mold. We will have an actual bedroom as opposed to our studio so that I can lock Justin out while I eat curly fries so he is none-the-wiser. We are two doors down from the laundry facility, and our living room window stares at the pool. I will miss my view of Table Rock, but I can walk to the park at the base of Table Rock from where we are now.  Which will probably be necessary after all of the curly fries I have been consuming out of stress.

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

Eye guess Eye Will Just Have To Smack Bradley Cooper....

Today I decided that if I were a cereal I would be Smacks. The reason is nothing more than the simple fact that I always smack Justin's ass.
Photo Credit: Kellogg's

Also I took a test to see which actress would play me if a movie were created based on my life. I am not sure who should be more offended; myself or Bradley Cooper.
I have no recollection of any sex based questions being asked. Maybe I really am becoming a man.

Finally I attended an eye doctor appointment today with one of my best friends. She was about to get her eyes dilated when this happened:

Doctor: These eye drops will dilate your pupils

Me: And then you will get to wear those cool glasses

Doctor: Yes, exactly the super ugly ones

Me: You know I could really use a pair of those too because my friend and I want to take photos together in our new shades, possibly flashing the peace sign.

Friend: Yes, not to mention that when my eyes are dilated so are hers because we are that close

Doctor: I think I can find you a pair somewhere

Me: (in a voice similar to that of Mr. Burns) Excellent
Excuse the poor quality but I couldn't see with my new specks... Also may it be noted that I have an abnormally large head, comparable in fact to someone thrice my size. I'm not kidding while preparing for graduation in high school I was sitting by someone who weighed about three times as much as I did and he and I had the same sized head when we were measuring for cap fittings. Also my friend has an abnormally small sized head. This is why our glasses look so different.

You didn't believe I would get the glasses did you ; )

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Simply Whimsical... Madame de Florian's Paris Apartment Opened After 70 Years of Being Closed Off

I don't think I have ever done a post solely on the basis of another blogger's post. My curiosity was certainly piqued today when I stumbled across this article regarding a woman in Paris who fled the city owing to her "fear of the Nazis" in 1941 during WWII. 70 years later her apartment was opened for the first time revealing a plethora of fantastical items. I do love a good intrigue. I wish there was more of a revelation of this woman's history. Her thoughts, her feelings, why she never came back while she was alive... I have included photos from the blog/article here. At the bottom you will find the link to the article I discovered.


Goodbye Christmas...?

Yesterday was a productive day. I crossed the second to last friend off my list of Christmas gifts I still have.
Birthday and Christmas presents professionally wrapped for a complete gift giving experience

It only took my friend like fifteen minutes to rip through the industrial strength tape that held together each package. I feel bad for my kids if I ever get to have any.

I painted this for her. I was half way happy with it, which I am normally not happy with my hand made things... Yet I inexplicably keep crafting things. The only assumption I can make is that I spend too much time doing science and math in school that it makes me yearn to use the creative part of my being... if there even is one.

PS- I learned that elephants are the only other beings who bury their deceased, and weep when they die. They also can recognize themselves in mirrors. Pretty exciting if you ask me.

Anyway now the only thing that stands between me and closing the door on the last memories of Christmas 2013 is the one final gift I am holding on to...Oh and my half-assed dyslexia got the best of me as I completely made up an address before Christmas which caused me to receive a lonely Christmas card back in the mail today. But that is an easy fix.

Last night Justin surprised me with the Netflix that was "So Undercover," the Miley Cyrus movie. I had seen it previously, he had not. He thoroughly enjoyed the movie as he so often does with chick flicks. He even mentioned something about buying it. I find that with the weather being so cold we are spending more and more time inside. I am looking forward to warmer temperatures. Justin brought these home the other day.
Whole Foods has some of the most spectacular flowers

They were reminiscent of the end of summer/early fall when temperatures were still warm enough to exit my apartment without a jacket.*sigh. A distant memory indeed, but a great one nonetheless. I suppose I should not complain because after all the mid-west is pretty much a winter nightmare. Here are some of my favorite photos I found while googling cold temperatures in the mid-west:
This one is a view of Chicago from above Photocredit: Reddit

Photo Credit: Reddit

Hey how did this very adorable Scottish Fold (female) get in here? It must be a sign. Justin, this is who I want for Christmas for the next decade. :) photo credit:http://www.petfinder.com/petdetail/27838979/

Frozen light house looks like a bearded sea monster photo credit: http://www.amusingplanet.com/2013/05/frozen-lighthouses-of-lake-michigan.html

Sunday, January 5, 2014

Highs and Lowe's

So I failed to mention the other day, when I revealed the deets of my surgery to you, that I think I am 86ed from Lowe's. When Justin and I left the hospital on Christmas Eve we had to make about 18 pit stops. Since I had the procedure done in Caldwell (which is approximately a thirty minute drive from my home) it took us slightly over three hours to get home with all of the stops. Since my bladder is terribly sensitive I had to pee pretty much non stop from the moment we departed from the recovery room.

Cover your eyes while you read this if you are easily bothered by urine, because it is about to sound like R. Kelly's wet dream up in here. So we drove about four or five blocks before I was begging Justin to pull over the vehicle, and allow me to empty my bladder of the ounce of urine that had found its way through my system within the past three minutes. Each time we stopped it would take a couple of minutes for the pee to start coming out since I was still partially under the effects of the general anesthetic. All sorts of people at all of the gas stations and fast food joints eye balled me in an "I think you have explosive diarrhea" kind of way as I would run to the bathroom in near tears.

About five minutes passed after one of the gas stations we visited, which far superseded my capabilities of holding my pee for three minutes max. Finally I spotted a Lowe's and was screaming in satanic tongues to pull the car over. Justin was unable to drive through the bumper to bumper last minute Christmas shoppers that congested the boulevard flanked with major stores in a timely fashion. Despite his Jason Statham Transporter-esque maneuvers I was beside myself. I'm pretty sure I exited the vehicle before it even came to a complete stop.

Me and Justin Photo Credit: http://probablypredator.wordpress.com/

I ran hurriedly into the store and found two women associates having a seemingly pleasant conversation. With my tear streaked face I bombarded them with the words "bladder surgery" and "bathroom" and "peeing my pants" to which they pointed, with concern plastered all over their faces, in the direction of my sweet sanctuary. They asked me if I needed help as though I was some sort of battered woman but I ignored their offer and plopped down on the toilet just in time for the ounce of urine to come out.
Me running into Lowe's Photo Credit: http://probablypredator.files.wordpress.com/2013/01/speed1.jpg

When I came out of the bathroom Justin was sitting on the bench directly outside the restroom door with embarrassment written all over him. I proceeded to cry and throw a fit because what else was left to do. The Lowe's employees watched from a safe distance as I made a fool of myself. After a half an hour and twenty-ish trips back into the bathroom we continued on our journey. As I mentioned before the trip home was a long one. Though I contained my outbursts a bit better than I had in Lowe's that car trip was the most embarrassing I have ever had.

Eventually I made it home. Slowly within the next twenty four hours, my urine only needed to be released about every fifteen minutes. Three days or so later I finally had it down to about an hour between toilet trips. Today I am back to normal. But with all this pee talk I have to pee, so I had better sign off for now. Before I do sign off, I entitled this highs and Lowe's, so along with the low point the high point is that we FINALLY saw "The Hobbit" this weekend. Despite the deviation from the plot of the book, the movie was actually pretty good :)

PS my friend totally made this cup and posted the photo on Facebook. I am super jealous...  

Upper Left: Hogwarts, Upper Right: Hagrid's hut, Lower Left: Womping Willow with the Enchanted Ford Anglia Lower Right: Deathly Hallows

Friday, January 3, 2014

Tittibhastinky Yoga

Since my break from school has commenced, I have become somewhat of a regular at my old stomping ground; the hot yoga studio. I have been frequenting this particular class time which works perfectly with sleeping in yet allows me to be finished by the time Justin comes home for lunch.

I have a made a friend of sorts. Since speaking is forbidden once the threshold to the yoga room is crossed, we communicate silently. Mostly by his farts and my trying to be polite and not react to them. They are soundless like the screams from within the confines of my chest that result when the sour stench reaches my nostrils. He also wears some sort of old man cologne which reeks once he starts to sweat. I am not sure which smell is worse.

Thrice I have had the pleasure of sitting by this man now. Each time he smiles and excitedly puts his mat next to mine despite the nearly empty room upon our early arrival. I return the smile. During class we occasionally exchange "I think I am dying" looks, mine of course are in response to the inescapable aroma, his probably from the force he is undoubtedly exerting (as evidenced by his flatulence) to squeeze into positions.

When the ninety minutes of hot yoga hell are over we lie together until all others have abandoned us. I like to wait out the naked ladies in the changing rooms. Sometimes I exit the room prematurely due to the smells... Today was one of those days. I walked into a conglomeration of vaginas and boobs of all shapes and sizes. I tried to stare at the ceiling, and at the floor. I noticed finally that someone standing beside me had on pants to which I said "I like that you have on pants," then I quickly corrected myself and stated "I mean I like the pants you have on" then she took her pants off. I am not kidding. And I was staring right at her vagina when she did it, it was very odd.   
Tittibhasana pose photo credit:http://www.yogajournal.com/poses/2470

Thursday, January 2, 2014

unPhased by Big Brown Things Falling From the Sky

Justin and I started the New Year off on the right foot.
My favorite breakfast. I don't think Nutella is vegan but perhaps broken up pieces of chocolate on top of peanut butter is similar in taste? But far more fun since I get creepy looking smiley faces :)
Justin had the day off work so we stayed inside all day and playing Phase 10 (I lost both times) and watching movies. We had some “cake balls” which I had picked up from Whole Foods earlier in the week and forgotten about. Justin declared that the winner of our game would "get to eat all four of the cake balls, but if he lost than I would have to share the cake balls with him." *sigh I was like, gee…thanks. Lose-lose for me, no doubt.

As I stated before I am not really one to embrace the New Year’s Resolution business however Justin candidly reported to me last night that he has a “hotness plan” in place. He swore up and down after the Freudian slip of the words “hotness plan” that that is not the name of the system he has in place. I wondered why he was doing sit ups in the corner earlier in the day as I sat watching him whilst eating a bag of Kettle Salt and Vinegar chips. Mystery solved. 

Speaking of mysteries, Boise decided to ring in the New Year with this...

Photo credit KTVB. You can read about all the glory here:http://www.ktvb.com/news/Idaho-rings-in-the-2014-with-the-Potato-Drop--238333981.html

Anyway it was nice to have a laid back day. Things finally slowed down since my school-break commenced, and Justin and I were able to get right back into the ebb and flow of our relationship. It is great that we live in such a small (500ish sqft) studio apartment, yet can’t get enough of each other. I feel that is a rare quality to encompass in a relationship. That being said sometimes things get a little weird. I decided to try to communicate Justin while he was dropping a deuce uh, powdering his nose. I blame it on cabin fever and being inside too long..  
Side note... I highly advise anyone who is in an argument with their significant other to use these notes. They work wonders when stresses are high.