Thursday, December 5, 2013


I have to take testosterone. I take it because my doctor thinks I am not man enough or because I would like to grow a penis...or something like that.

I take the testosterone in cream form. I like to avoid gel caps at all costs since most are made from gelatin (cow hooves). I get to rub the cream on my inner thigh (the perfect place to sprout a dick if you ask me). To get the proper dosage I have to turn the bottom of the tube four times. The tube then ejaculates the white cream from its hole which resembles a penis hole in that it is unidirectional and quite small. Sometimes it only squirts a little bit; but some days it goes a little crazy. There is no way to get it back in the tube, so I am forced to use the extra penis juice for the day because I don't want to waste any of my $50/month prescription.

Today was one of those days where I got to be blessed with the extra squiggle of cream. It was quite fitting to happen today anyway because I burned this "fresh balsam" candle last night in hopes of getting in the Christmas spirit a little more than I already am. Consequentially I smelled like a burly pine-fresh man today at school ( I would estimate anyone within a 15 foot radius could smell me). Paired with my on-edgey-ness (yes that is a word) that comes naturally when I get too much testosterone I felt very like I was ready to enter a lumberjack contest. *sigh

Now I am awaiting Justin's arrival home. I am hoping he will entertain me with an arm wrestling match when he gets here. Possibly while we smoke cigars and chew tobacco. Because I am feeling like I could win with my brawny arms,  penis hands down.

In other news, remember when I came out from under that rock and figured out that narwhals are real? A friend of mine posted this on my fb wall the other day. I am pretty sure this is exactly what is going on.

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