I Don't Want To Grow Up

I have been preparing myself mentally for my 30th birthday for approximately five-six years. I'd hoped that by coming to terms with it early on I would be more accepting of the day when it inevitably comes this November. I realize age is just a number, and in that number is a life of experiences, lessons learned, love, growth etc. So I'm trying with all my might to embrace the whole aging process. 

While on our trip to Vegas I discovered decaf coffee. *sigh, I thought that day would never come. Alas I fear I now prefer decaf to regular because I don't get jittery. I also prefer the taste because I must enjoy arsenic or whatever it is critics claim is used to reverse the natural caffeine composition of coffee beans. Anyway I learned Starbucks has decaf espresso which is simply dynamite. 

That is a stalker photo I took of Justin whilst I was enjoying my coffee in the Paris hotel. While I'm at it here are a few more:

Deep in thought about breakfast 

Excited about going for a walk

Smiling for the photo I took of us. I had to crop myself out because I looked ridonkulous. 

I have dozens more but I shall spare Justin... for now. 

Chipping Away

Justin and I were on our way back from Vegas this past week when I decided to down a bag of chips because the donuts I ate weren't enough to satiate me. I thoroughly enjoyed every last bite of my chips...or so I thought. 

I felt a strange discomfort around my chest area. I wondered mildly what the devil was going on but didn't bother to check things out because k might accidentally flash oncoming traffic. Finally when we arrived home I took a peek to find a very large crum pile on my chest and an orange stain on the inside of my bikini top. 

Unfortunately the stain didn't lift when I washed it :(

I never did find the chip. I think that I may have just invented a new way to eat chips without consuming the calories. Just smash them right into your skin and taste the flavor. Also you'll earn an orange tinted tan as an added bonus. 

What Happens In Vegas

So I mentioned something the other day about a countdown for a particular event that Justin and I were anticipating. I did not however mention what it was...

We went to Vegas! And got married :) I kid I kid. While we did not get married we did go to Vegas for a quick rendezvous. My work schedule happened to have a small hole in it which allowed for a quick getaway. So away we did get. Here is the view from our room at the Paris:

While we were gone we enjoyed 'O' by Cirque Du Soleil at Bellagio, ate at lots of nice restaurants, basked in the sun by the pool side, and walked the old strip and new strip. I must say the vacation was glorious. The timing of it all worked wonderfully.

I must admit that the city of sin was much dirtier than the last time I recalled visiting. The usual escort service card hander-outers were littering the streets as they always do. There were also so many more homeless people than I rememebered; the most memorable was sleeping on the sidewalk with his pants and underware pulled halfway down.

We also had to dodge "minions" and "Olaf" who were straight from some sort of a twisted nightmare. I personally do not care for stuffed animals. They creep me out quite apart from the one dog "Fluffy," which I have somehow retained from childhood despite at least dozen moves.  In all honesty I should be afraid of that mangled beast but I just couldn't imagine throwing him away. Yes Fluffy is a boy and he wears a red bow in his hair, his eyes are off kilter so to some he may appear rough around the edges. Back on track; as I was saying I do not care for stuffed animals and these "minions" and "Olaf" were demented. They were dirty and most likely smelly though I kept a good distance so I can't confirm that. They also squeaked some sort of dog toy at me in an attempt to get a hug *shudder shudder shudder. I wish I had gotten a photo but that would have involved certain risks I was not willing to take.

Thought of the Day (boring)

I may have mentioned in the past that for my job I bounce around to different offices. It is pretty nice to have a change in atmosphere so I never quite get "too" comfortable. In fact in June I will be taking a couple of mobile trips out on the mammography bus which will be an experience to say the least. 

I was at one of our offices close to downtown Boise the other day. I parked about fifteen minutes away in the six story parking garage. I of course parked on the top level so I could oogle Table Rock while I enjoyed my lunch. I truly do wish I was able to get up there more often. 

Table Rock

At the end of the day I opted to take the elevator back up to my car in lieu of the stairs. I watched out the glass backing of the elevator, and noticed an old house converted to apartments that I used to live in about seven years ago. I could clearly make out the back entrance to the building which I frequently exited and entered throughout my time there.

I totally had this weird and awesome reflective moment. I considered where I was then, and where I am now. I thought of all the accomplishments I have had in that span of seven-ish years. For once I was totally proud of me. I think the me from all those years ago would be proud of me too. I hope in another seven-ish years I feel the same way. 

So often in the past I had looked for validation from others to placate me. But as I age I find that the only validation and approval I need is that of my own. This is quite freeing in and of itself. 

Panties in a Bunch?

Justin: Quit turning my clothes inside out before you fold them. 

Me: I'm not turning your clothes inside out. 

Justin: Well if it's not you then the washer and dryer are doing it and you should put everything right side out. 

Me: Actually it's you when you take off your clothes you turn them inside out. 

Justin: No. Have you ever seen a washer work before? Have you ever been inside the machine?

Me: I have seen one work, yes. I haven't been in one but I can assure you if I had I would not be turned inside out. 

Justin: Well it's the dryer then. My laundry was never inside out before. 

Me: Yeah, because your mom fixed it. 

Justin: No. Our dryers are just very different. 

Hot D'agua

Some time ago, in a far away place, I bought Justin and myself a couple of water bottles. These were no ordinary bottles I tell ye. Actually it wasn't very long ago that I bought the bottles, and I wasn't really in a far away place when I bought them. Though I suppose my humble abode is far away from some places... like Hogwarts. 

Back on track. These bottles are infuser bottles so you can stick fruit/veggies/mint leaves etc in the infuser ma bob to create a decadent touch to plain old agua. I often get comments on my bottle while I'm at work. The other day I was working with someone and our conversation went something like this:

Co-Worker: Wow that is a neat bottle

Me: Thanks. I love it. 

Co-Worker: Aren't you vegan?

Me: Yes?

Co-Worker: Then why do you have hot dogs and apples in your water bottle? 

I did know someone one time who claimed to be a vegetarian except for hot dogs. Kind of like some of those people who claim to be vegan yet eat dairy ice cream and cheese by the bucket full. So I guess it wasn't that unrealistic that my co-worker thought I was having me some hot dog water but come on ... Even if I weren't vegan I don't think Apple hot dog water sounds good exactly? Hmmm maybe it could be a thing like bacon is these days. 

For the record it was cherries, limes, and mint leaves in my bottle. 

Bleeding Bananas

My how the weekend has flown by. Justin and I acted like 80 year olds yet again which we love to do. Saturday he worked while I cleaned the house. I discovered that someone had violated the only remaining banana I'd picked up from the discount section at Fred Meyer. I'm still not sure who the culprit was but it was a devastating crime scene. 

I was pretty alarmed since we had consumed two of the bananas on Wednesday. Yuck. 

Also on Saturday Justin hit up a used book sale (probably more James Patterson but I haven't verified that), and I took advantage of Old Navy's $3 tank top sale and $10 dress sale. Gotta love those secret emails that send the morning of the sale and cause me to rush like a mad woman to the store and throw a few elbows to collect the last XS dresses on the rack. 

Today I laid out in the sun while the neighbor kids peeked through the cracks in the fence. They periodically emitted "what's up girl," in the lowest pitched voice they could muster while I attempted with all my might to ignore them and enjoy my Harry Potter book. I eventually had to build a fort to block their view. I swear my hypothesis of only attracting very young and very old men still holds true. 

After enjoying the sun a bit too much justin and I worked on a puzzle. It's 1500 pieces so it is still a work in progress. The end product should be a scene with exotic animals. Here is a photo of our progress. You'll notice my festive tea ball decoration. Perfect for the occasion. 

Cheers to Monday tomorrow. The countdown continues to Justin and my fun filled adventure. 

Oho tasty granola bars?? Excuse me while I check out that ad. 

Bills are Shitty

I have been fending off (paying off gradually and grudgingly) the medical bills which have been trickling in ever since my five trips to the ER this year. It's bad enough to have to pay copious amounts of money for it all but imagine my surprise when I opened my bill and saw this:

I wasn't sure if it was poop or chocolate so I tasted it. Just kidding! I'm pretty sure it was poop because like me, the billing company thinks bills are shitty. 

Hairy Toenails Wrapped in Bacon

Happy Thursday to all you working individuals :) Today is my Friday so I am pretty stoked. Of course this means that tomorrow I have to go to the dentist because my grill needs attending to. It's just the gangster life for me. After my fun at the dentist I get to go get my weave on; except not really. I don't have a weave, or hair extensions. I would look horrendous... something like this

except I would probably look slightly more evil since the thought of foreign hair, synthetic or otherwise, attached to my person makes me want to gag. Of course I do have a weird borderline phobia of hair. Hair and toenails and of course Kevin Bacon *shudder

Speaking of toenails Justin's is still hanging on. I dread the day that falls off. Omg. 

The Countdown Begins

Justin and I have a mini vacation planned. We are pretty excited because we haven't gone anywhere together for more than two nights. With school and work things were always too busy but now that it is just work and more work we have some time. 

I downloaded a countdown app because I guess I am a basic bitch. Voila! I present our countdown:

Yes I understand it is seriously flawed but I kind of like it better that way :) it makes things seem more mysterious since I no longer have the brain capacity for simple math problems I can just fondly try to quantify the meaning of over one million seconds. 

Painting Partay

Here are my promised painting photos. This morning I did some touch ups and painted our upstairs hall. I'm running out of rooms to paint which is good. 

This is the only before photo I have: 

It only took six samples to find the color I was looking for. I now question if it is too dark, but Justin claims he loves it and wants the whole house painted in it. 

The eventual plan is to refinish/restain  the cabinets. I think once that is done I will feel better about the color. 

One more photo to showcase my matchy matchy skills 

Apparently even with all the painting I did today I hadn't had my fill so I worked on a Mother's Day gift for my mom...I feel bad she has to hang this crappy picture in her house but that is her special reward for having birthed me. 

Fortunately it's a rather small picture. It is supposed to be Totoro under a cherry blossom three, but it resembles a gravestone with rabbit ears. 

Kicking off the weekend

Today was perfectly steady at work. Things were going along smoothly and the sunshine even decided to make an appearance after yesterday's blustery rain storm. I delightedly prepared for one of my BFFs to arrive so we could have our lunch date. Then I received a message from Justin: Hey can I send you a photo of something without you getting mad?

Me: okay? (Thinking the worst like he ran over a cat or was macking on a girl)

The photo arrives and I apologize for the suspense but I can not place it on my blog. I know what you're thinking; it's a penis! No it wasn't a penis but it was a very mangled big big toe which was even bigger than normal and had the toenail hanging by a skin strand *shudder. Turns out Justin was trying to be Superman and carry huge things around his work while probably shouting "look at me guys," He failed miserably. 

He did eventually go to the doctor and got the unfortunate diagnosis of a broken toe. How on earth anything is strong enough to break his monstrous toe? I'll never know. Now it looks like his foot is constantly giving a thumbs up since his big toe is hella huge. 

Way to kick of the weekend Justin... Pun intended. 

Anyway it is past the midnight hour and I must close this blog for now. I painted all afternoon once I was off work up until about a half an hour ago. This is me being a martyr because this is the one time Justin hasn't been able to help with a house project. Now we have one more room down in our casa all thanks to yours truly. I'll post photos later of my handy work. Now I just need to get one of those things Michelangelo had so I'm able to sprawl out on my back while painting a mural of Justin's big butt on the ceiling. 

Ps here is a photo of my new bag. 

Hanging Out

Warning the following blog may contain 'R' rated material. 

Once upon a time amidst a decade long long ago I was being a teenager, and was at a small house party. We were at my girlfriend's house which had two levels. I was downstairs partying with a couple people while she was upstairs with this dude she had started to date. I went upstairs to use the rest room facility. My friend came out of her bedroom fully clothed (this will be relevant in a moment) and we proceeded to talk before going to the rest room. 

While we were standing there waiting to go to the bathroom the guy she had been with moments ago emerged from the bedroom in nothing but boxers. We found this very odd since he had no reason to undress himself while alone in her bedroom. Our eyes simultaneously dropped to his man parts and it literally appeared as though he had a hanger in his pants. We were horrified. We actually called off the party because we were so disturbed. She wound up breaking it off with the person since he often liked to remove his pants and prance around willy-nilly (pun intended) *shudder. It has since been a running joke with us. 

Today I was perusing reddit and found this photo with the caption: "My friend grew this giant zucchini in his garden- two terrified corgis for scale." I immediately saw the photo and reflected back to that party all those years ago. Very accurate as to the situation that was at hand in that moment. 

Also I neglected to post this yesterday :)

Meatings of Men

I went to work today and boy did it feel like a Monday. I parked in the farthest possible parking stall from the building in an effort to force myself to exercise. Once I got situated at my desk I realized I not only neglected to bring my water, and my phone, but also my work binder. Ooooh fiddlesticks. I was left with no choice but to speed walk my ass back to my car. The whole way I kept thinking about how I should invest in a segway or possibly call patient transport to cart my butt back to work. 

When I arrived back at my desk a patient's husband was waiting for his wife. The following conversation transpired...

Man: Where do they hang the meat in here?

Me: I'm sorry sir, but do you need the bathroom?

Man: What makes you think that?

Me: Hanging meat? Bathroom? Uh... I'm not sure. (Of course I couldn't say what I was really thinking)

Man: I just wondered why it was so chilly in here. You know; hanging meat in a freezer?

Me: oh yes of course (this makes much more sense than my mind's phallic assumption) 

About an hour later another husband was watching me read Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. I glanced up at him and smiled 

Man: Do you want to know how to please your husband?

Me: What?

Man: Your husband- how to please him. 

Me: How's that? (me getting nervous that someone is going to be inappropriate)

Man: Soak his meat in black ale 

Me: I'll keep that in mind. I'm sure my husband would be very pleased with a beer soaked chunk of meat. 

Man: No not beer, but black ale... And yes he would be very pleased because it kills 50% of carcinogens. 

Me: ? Okay. Thanks for the tip. 

What I really wanted to say was I neither have a husband, cook meat, nor drink ale however I can give horses (66% of the time) a boner when I pet them. 

Also this:

Heat Waive

Today was supposed to be a lazy Sunday. I laid out in the sunshine while reading Harry Potter for about two minutes before realizing that there was a foul eight legged monster afoot. I went inside to get Justin and while I was gone the damn thing hid. Justin thought I was seeing things and bowed back inside. I heaved a big sigh and resumed reading Harry Potter. Moments later I caught movement out of the corner of my eye. I looked over and the damn thing was standing there with one leg in the air waving it around like he just didn't care. I was like OMG what is it doing?!?!? For a second time I got Justin. I ran outside ahead of him and watched as the thing burrowed into this nest it built on the side of the house. Since when do spiders built nests? 

Justin finally got his big butt outside and bravely used a stick to break apart the nest. It was comprised of straw, dirt, something that looked strangely like my hair (the mo fo probably snatched a strand from my head with its weird waving hand when I wasn't looking). Anyway after destroying the nest Justin again came up empty handed. 

Finally like thirty seconds later the damn thing emerged this time I think it was waving its arm in anger since its home was gone. I called Justin who immediately came outside and destroyed the evil bastard once and for all so I was able to enjoy the sun's heat without the threat of scary monsters.  He's always being a hero to my damsel in distress. 

Anyway Justin and I did get to round out the evening with a nice walk. We even saw horses and I'm totally not kidding but two of three I petted got boners. I got game. 

Click Bait

Oh Facebook how you trick me so...

Mmmm; pie!

Nope those bastards tricked me. They saw me coming a mile away. I may perhaps have stumbled upon a fantastic idea. Tiny pies disguised as jewelry? Wear it to work then simply eat it intermittently through the day. 

Co-worker: 'Why Malina I thought you had one hundred charms on that necklace, but it only seems to have one charm left?'

Me dressed extra professionally: 'Tut-tut someone is hallucinating. Of course there has only been one charm this whole time... make that zero.'

It could work. Like a candy necklace only better. 

MayDay

It's Friday; always a cause for celebration, and it's May 1st. Where has this year gone?

Justin and I made a pact-ish with the commencement of the new month. We agreed to try to not eat out for the whole month. I kicked off our agreement today at lunch

If I were on Twitter I would write hashtag winning because that is what tweeter people do. 

Justin and I went for a walk after work and I stepped in a pile of brown  stuff which I'm pretty sure was poop mixed with mud but I kept walking because I was wearing flip flops and I just felt like spreading the love of my possible poop foot all over the school's (where we were walking) track field. Anyway it reminded me of a first date I went on before Justin a few years ago where someone put their dirty foot on my face. *shudder. 

Happy weekend. I hope yours is slightly less smelly than mine.