Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Making Waves

I went to Wal-Mart the other day because I needed to get my oil changed and some new tires. I sat in the waiting room for what felt like hours but honestly it was maybe one and a half. I was extremely bored so I entertained myself by watching the children hanging about. 

I'm not sure where the rapscallions were from but there were dozens throughout the course of my waiting. They were all super hyper so I think maybe they escaped from Willy Wonka's chocolate factory. I considered stalking them, or at least asking them if they knew where the candy van was but then decided someone would probably think I had ill intentions. The kids were running to and fro and leaping from bench to bench in a dare devilish manner. It was only a matter of time before someone got hurt. 

The cutest little toddler girl wearing a plaid pea coat and leggings (who was maybe a foot and a half tall) was standing in the back of the cart out by the auto parts register. I was sitting 15-20 ft away in the waiting room and she waved so I waved back. She got very excited and enthusiastically waved and jumped. Next she toppled out of the cart head first. Her dad turned around and scolded the brothers for not keeping a keen eye on her but I seriously felt so guilty for waving.  She persisted to scream bloody murder for the rest of the time they were there. 

Eventually the family left. I then got my new tires on, my oil changed, and went on my merry way. Whenever she is I hope she is okay. Maybe later in life she will hate waving at people but she won't quite remember why. Or she will hate the smell of tires... Or perhaps plaid pea coats. Or maybe she will just hate weird white women who have a strange fascination with narwhals. 

Saturday, December 27, 2014

The Curious Case of the Belly Button

Conversation I had with Justin today-

Justin: That narwhal coffee cup is your new favorite thing isn't it?

Me: Why yes, yes it is.

Justin: I just think it is weird because it isn't shaped like a narwhal. You have elephant, owl and cat shaped mugs you know. 

Me: Yes I know but this one has a narwhal *making a petting motion with my hand...

Justin: You do know you can't actually pet a narwhal, right?

Me: How dare you! Of course I can pet a narwhal. 

Justin: It would impale you. It would think you were a donut. 

Me: No it wouldn't, unless I showed it my belly button. 

Justin: I don't think that is how it works. 

Me: You need to learn science.

Here is my proof that a person can pet a narwhal. You will notice that Justin barely has his belly button covered in this photo but the fact of the matter is; it is covered so he did not get impaled. Also please take note of the fashion trend he started with his hood. You will be seeing this on the cover of GQ in no time. 

In other news I'm super stoked about my new cookbook. Tonight I made a summertime bruschetta and avocado pasta because now that Christmas is gone I'm ready for the sunshine to come back. I must say dinner complimented the Harry Potter marathon on ABC family quite nicely.

Oh and I should update on the washer situation. We did manage to buy a new machine so our house shouldn't be burning to the ground anytime least not because of the washer. Our bank account on the other hand is another story.

Friday, December 26, 2014

Merry Christmas

Another Christmas has come and gone. It is funny how quickly the holiday season always seems to pass. My late grandmother's favorite holiday was always Christmas. I think I inherited that from her. Giving is one of my favorite things, especially when I like the person I am shopping for ;)

Justin and I enjoyed our first Christmas together in our new house. Our borrowed tree was bare of ornaments so Christmas morning when I woke up Justin has dispersed chocolate bars throughout the tree. It was scrumptious-looking. We opened gifts together as I sipped from my new narwhal coffee cup gifted to me by one of my BFFs. It was a perfect morning. I had taken the liberty of fashioning some of Justin's gifts into dolls. There was James Patterson, LeBron James and of course Channing Tatum. 
 Couple of gag gifts mine to justin was the screw driver, and Justin found that movie for me pretty darn awesome. 

After the morning festivities we tried to steal Smeagol but our efforts proved fruitless.

Next we celebrated Christmas at Justin's parents house. I now have this hanging in my powder bath. Which by the way I just finished painting that. You can barely tell in the elephant photo so I included another photo below where you can see the contrast against the white. 

Also his mom and our family friend Sandy made these amazing towels for me :) 

Okay, okay enough with the gifts otherwise I will be here all day. 

Finally for Christmas we finished up at a family friend's house with Justin's mom's famous vegan stuffing which is always a show stopper. So all in all it was a great day. 

Justin returned to work this morning and I took care of all of our Christmas gifts. Then I tried to catch the house on fire with the washing machine because I got sick of cleaning and figured it might be best to just let it burn. Totally kidding, but in all seriousness the damn washer (I'm 90% sure) caught on fire. It smoked for at least ten minutes and even set off the smoke detector. 

Ps I figure it is about time that I share the photo from the mishap photo shoot we had for our Christmas photos. So Merry Christmas... And you're welcome. 

Monday, December 22, 2014

Sex Ed

The other day I took one of those quizzes that I can't stop myself from taking. The first question asked if I was biologically male or female. I swear on my life that I selected female. This is the quiz result I got.

In other news on Saturday Justin and I had our housewarming/my graduation party. One of Justin's friends is super manly and meaterific. He lives on a bit of land a couple of towns over and thus is able to have some chickens so their family can enjoy farm fresh eggs. I of course like this idea since it gives the hens a half way decent and normal chicken-y life.

Well apparently one of the "female" chickens that they have is actually a male "turk-in." so from what was described to me I conjured this image in my head of a hairless chicken from the neck up. Sounded pretty darn awesome if you ask me, I bet it likes to be petted. I asked if the bird had a name and Justin's friend said it didn't so I suggested Smeagol. He agreed that was a pretty fitting name and then he was like wouldn't be awesome if Smeagol laid golden rings. ba ha ha. It was the finniest thing I had heard all day.

Anyway our party was pretty great. I also finally finished my Christmas cards and mailed those out. They were incredibly late owing to the whole photo situation that happened earlier this month. I did my best to draw Justin and my photo on some of the cards but Justin did not like the representation of him. Something about despite the fact that his rump was in correct proportion to his body the length of his legs were not accurate? I dunno, but if Justin were a stick figure he would look just like the pictures I drew.
This will not let me rotate the photo.
Also I think this might be what a turkin looks like.
This is according to Google so I can neither confirm nor deny the validity of the photo being a turkin

Sunday, December 21, 2014

I Need To Learn To Add Again

Justin and I have been busy, busy little bees the past few days. On Friday I had my college graduation. It was pretty monumental for me for obvious reasons. I struggled with many health issues throughout my college career yet I forged ahead and finally finished. It feels good to be proud of myself :) 
(Photo from right before we left for graduation)

When I arrived to the graduation ceremony Justin dropped me off so I could get into the arena in time. I took my small purse and cell phone with me since I wasn't sure how things would pan out, and if I would need to reach Justin via phone after everything was all said and done since I'm not kidding there were at least 5,000 people there. 

I walked into the rehearsal area and sat down in an empty seat. I kept asking what I should do with my things but was repeatedly told not to leave anything in the rehearsal area. I didn't have time to attempt to find Justin so I went to the bathroom and stuck my cell phone in my tights. I tried to cram my purse in the top of my dress but it just looked like I was hiding a bomb under my graduation gown thingy so I settled for carrying it around. 

We walked from the practice area into the actual arena area and my phone made its way from the hip area in my tights down to the crotch area. There was no way to get it out with out showing 5000 people my vagina so I had no choice but to deal with it. So when it finally came time to walk the line I just kept thinking, 'please don't let my vagina ring, or my tights rip open thus causing me to birth a cell phone during the proudest moment of my life,'  I think this photo of me mid walk from the professional photographer conveys the 'hi I'm carrying a cell phone with my crotch,' message pretty well. I want one of these in cardboard cut out size. 

Anyway things went well and I eventually got out of the gym where I was met by one of my best friends. She was standing in the pouring rain awaiting my arrival with some beautiful flowers. Then she walked about a mile to her car in the still down pouring rain. Not to mention she came from three towns over at 10:00a.m just to show her support for me. Justin's parents met me also and of course Justin too. It is so nice to have such a strong foundation of people who truly care about my accomplishments, and who come from so far to help me celebrate. 

Next I went to lunch (don't worry I rescued my phone) with Justin, his parents and one of my other best friends who drove ALL the way from Utah for my special day. Incidentally she has the baby of who I am the fairy godmother so I got to get lots of baby cuddles in. So all in all it was a great day. And now I'm a college graduate so I better learn how to add again because Justin says now that I'm college educated I have to. 

Thursday, December 18, 2014

It all began with an Olaf umbrella

Earlier this evening after I had carefully wrapped most of Justin's presents. He came up with every excuse under the sun to enter the third bedroom where I was hiding the gifts. Finally he claimed he was going to fix the printer which by the way has needed to be fixed since we moved. I had no choice but to acquiesce his request despite the warning in my heart. He promised me to only have tunnel vision for the printer. *sigh- never has a statement been made further from the truth. 

Justin: "Is that an Olaf umbrella?" 

Me:"Yes it's for my niece."

Justin: "why does she get all the cool presents?"

Me: "You Really want an Olaf parasol?"

Justin: "Why wouldn't I?"

Hindsight is 20/20 because now that I think about it obviously an Olaf parasol would contribute nicely to the boyish aura Justin so often exudes. Then everywhere we go people will be like, 'oh is this your son?' Just like that photographer thought. And I will be like "why of course-and by the way it is Tuesday don't kids eat free?"(Because the only places we ever go are to get food) Then Justin's butt can just get bigger and bigger from all the free kid meals we get. 

Anyway back to my original issue...I spent the next several minutes after the Olaf situation trying to distract and get Justin out of the room. But he kept pointing out where his gifts were and trying to act like he wasn't interested in them all the while using his X-Ray vision to peer through the hello kitty wrapping paper I had used to wrap his gifts. Hopefully I can surprise him a little bit on Christmas Day but now it won't be as magical. 

Also since I couldn't send those traditional photo Christmas cards out this year I did hand draw a couple of pictures in some of the cards I sent. Here is a photo of one which I can't fix because I'm writing this blog from my phone so I apologize for the sideways business. 

And here is one of Justin being manly just so you all don't think I'm actually dating a 12 year old. 

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

The Finish Line

           Today I took the last final of my undergraduate career, and handed in the last 20 page paper I will ever write towards my Bachelor of Science degree. I can’t describe how scary/exciting this was. But I can tell you that I am looking forward to the next step in my life, and looking forward to remembering what free time is. On Friday I will walk the graduation line with hundreds of other graduates but despite being one in hundreds at BSU, and thousands across the world on Friday I still feel pretty darn special. This pretty much sums up how I feel right now. 
Photo Credit: "The Goonies"
  Now if you will excuse me I have to catch up on Christmas movies but I will be back, and back more often than not now that I don't have school to occupy my mind. 

Photo Credit: LOTR- Return of the King

Photo Credit: V for Vendetta
Photo Credit: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2

Thursday, December 11, 2014

The Stand(s)

Now that we have a house we have much more space than we used to. I often times sit upstairs completing homework while Justin watches television downstairs. 

Justin- “It sounds like there is a stampede upstairs when you are up there “doing homework,” or whatever else is going on up there.”

Me: “I know nothing about this. I do know that it sounds like you are going to come barreling through the ceiling when you are upstairs however.” 

Justin: “All I am doing up there is using the bathroom.”

Me: “Me too! It is just me walking across the floor to go into the bathroom.”

Justin: “Well it sounds like a herd of elephants.”

In unrelated news I would like to report that I am becoming pretty good at headstands, handstands and armstands. To break up the monotony of studying I must find something to occupy my time. This of course is a wonderful way to get my blood moving, and plus practice makes perfect.
Photo Credit:

Eat Seat

Last night Justin had to stay late at work for some kind of training seminar. This was totally sad because now that we have an upstairs and a downstairs the time that we spend together feels limited. Most of that time involves me chasing Justin up the stairs with a bag of chips in my hand trying to spank him since he has better worked out the angles of our house and is able to drive by spank me without me having any idea until it is already over. This may be in part due to the fact that I can’t stay out of the pantry eating snacks; consequentially my rump is exposed perfectly for his sneak attacks. Or perhaps I should call them snack attacks because that makes more sense. 

Anyway in an effort to calm my sorrow I decided to eat food from my new favorite vegan restaurant on Justin’s couch. You see he bought this couch and loveseat and stuffed arm chair for our bonus room. Ever since then he has been very particular about what I can and cannot do on the couch. “Don’t leave 25 bottle caps all over the couch,” “don’t eat there,” “were you just touching the couch? I thought I said you could only look.” I find this highly annoying since I need to eat anywhere I want, any way, any how. So I plopped down with my tub of veganaise (the vegan mayonnaise) and slathered a rather large helping onto my sandwich before taking each bite. It was a very strange feeling since I missed Justin so much, yet I could not stop doing exactly what he asked me not to do. 

Tragedy never did strike, thank goodness. Unless you want to count the fact that Justin realized I had eaten on his couch the moment he got home because of where I had set my dirty plate in the kitchen. But I am pretty sure after all of the times that I have eaten yet haven’t spilled (on the couch) maybe he will allow me to have a feast in the bonus room. Or if not, maybe he will just hand craft me an award for being so good at breaking the rules. Hopefully that award will be cake with something like 'I worship the ground you walk on,' or 'I will obey your every command,' on it. Now if you will excuse me I have to leave for class in a half an hour and I am feeling awfully hungry. I must relocate to my favorite eating spot so I can indulge in some toast.

Monday, December 8, 2014

Paint By Numbers

So remember how Justin and I had our photos done the other day and our photographer thought we were mother and son? Well unfortunately we got the photos back… they are no bueno. I hate when I get super excited for photos and they wind up being terrible. Perhaps I have just grown too accustomed to perfectly edited photos of supermodels and my judgment is skewed. Justin actually used the words “outraged,” and “appalling” to describe what received. They were so bad in fact that he does not even want to entertain the idea of having the photographer make up for the terrible pictures that were taken for fear that the same would happen again. So, goodbye $70 +tip. *sigh. 

Tonight we were watching Jeopardy when a question came up about the artist Rembrandt. He did a self-portrait painting of his wife and himself back in the day. I have decided that for Christmas this year I am going to send out photocopies of a picture that I will paint of Justin and me. This will of course be exponentially better than the photos that we received from our photo session, however I can’t guarantee that you will be able to discern who we are in the painting… except of course Justin because I will have to paint his big butt. I might just give everyone an extra merry Christmas and paint it bare because that would look wonderful all over every one of our family and friend’s refrigerators. 

Photo Credit: Wikipedia
Our photo may be slightly positioned just like Rembrandt's, with Justin having his backside to the painter and me ready to spank his bum, while making a toast. Also I am sure I could find a way to paint a strange bird statue in the background too. However in lieu of a sword, I will take a wand. 

In other news I gave my presentation today. That was somewhat of a flop. My presentation was about the CA125 biomarker which can be found over expressed in ovarian cancer. That part was all fine and dandy but I also included a bit about the mantis shrimp in my presentation because the mantis shrimp is awesome. Not only is it awesome but it has amazingly complex eyes which are currently being used to model a camera after that will be able to detect tumors/masses under the skin. Mantis shrimp can see polarized light, and also humans have three different cones in their eyes, enabling us to see the wide spectrum of colors we are able to see, but mantis shrimp have 16 different cones which enable them to see colors we could never even dream up. 

Researchers hope to eventually develop a camera which can be installed on cell phones so that people can scan themselves for masses under their skin. My professor had previously declined my selection of this topic because it truly was about physics and the mathematical side of developing the camera. It did not focus specifically on cancer. But nevertheless I slapped a few extra power point slides at the end of my presentation, and promptly received some death stares. I thought my moxie would be appreciated, but I was wrong. Very very wrong. But regardless here are some lovely photos.
Mantis Shrimp wikipedia

Mantis Shrimp with eggs photo credit: Imgur

Mantis Shrimp photo credit: Imgur