Friday, June 27, 2014

Law and Order

Today marked the beginning of my week back in the law game. That’s right; I am moonlighting next week at a local law firm as a legal assistant. You may recall I worked for a few years in a law firm before deciding that my school schedule was far too complex to maintain my employment with the previous attorney. Since summer is in full swing and my regular job is work from home, where I schedule my own hours, I have some free time to pick up this little extra temporary job. So this morning I threw on some of my boring clothes and went to go learn the ins and outs of the office I’ll be assisting. 

I strutted down the streets of downtown-ish Boise with the song “what a man what a man what a mighty good man,” stuck in my head as I walked from my parking spot one million miles away from the firm. My dress sleeves were super weird shaped and it was completely hard to swing my arms with as much enthusiasm as I would have liked; but nonetheless I made it on time. 

And this is how I felt when it was all done.

Except not really. But I must say, as much as I like getting paid to work from home, I am a little excited to step foot in the outside world work-force again even if it is only temporary.

.... ♫♪A mighty mighty good man♪♫.... (seriously this has been in my head all day and it will not relent)

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Hallow Mr. Narwhal

I know Halloween isn't for another few months but I think I found my costume. I don't normally partake in festivities for the ween of hallow but I have been in the spirit owing to my recent rereading of the HP series methinks. Book seven is called "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows," so this makes sense. 

Back to business; behold!

I think I could rock it. Then perhaps I could wear it someday when I go on a narwhal expedition in the arctic. Said expeditions are only upwards of $10k- which is cheaper than paying to get my gallbladder removed and I am betting way more fun

Also I hear in the summer the sun doesn't set in the Arctic Circle. (By Arctic Circle I do mean that top part of the planet-not the place that gives out free ice cream cones- though I'm sure they give free ice cream cones if you pay $10,000 to go see the narwhals.) Anyway 24/7 of sunlight means I can finally get a decent sun tan. I can lay on the beach nonstop with boxes of donuts for me and the narwhals whilst catching some rays. Sounds like a dream. 

Sunday, June 22, 2014

King Konging

Me: Godzilla... 

Justin: what?

Me: No what is that primate's name? Mighty Joe Young? The one that climbs buildings? Peter Jackson did a movie...

Justin: You mean King Kong?

Me: Yes! King Kong. Do you ever get an extraordinary urge to climb a skyscraper King Kong style and bang your chest over the fact that you didn't ever get down and funky with a particular someone? 

Justin: Say what? 

Me: I just am so thankful sometimes that you never humped some of the town whores that's all. And the only way I see fit to express that is by King Konging. 

The first photo really embodies how I feel. The second one does a good job of capturing what my face would be like if I were ever afforded the opportunity to become gorilla-esque and shimmy up a skyscraper like it was nothing-to proclaim to the world the aforementioned facts. Whoever that pilot is, is probably getting ready to throw me a party since he is the first to hear the wonderful news. 

This is probably why I shouldn't go anywhere near the Empire State Building. 

Also here is a photo of me holding Justin because I wanted to leave this blog on a positive note. Ain't nobody gonna be getting some from my special honey buns now.

Friday, June 20, 2014

Cake Cake Cake Cake....

You want to know how I know I have an awesome boyfriend?! He watched a bunch of the baseball game airing tonight,and then it was like bottom of the ninth and people on bases and shit with the game all close and he went and got me cake. Then we saw a deer and we were going to try to feed it cake, pet it, and maybe even ride it but it was really close to the street. Normally I would totally play in traffic if it meant riding a cake eating deer but I was dressed really horribly and knew I'd cause a wreck if anyone witnessed me. Not because I'd be riding a deer while feeding it cake but because I dared venturing out in public with mismatched men's basketball shorts, a ruffle bikini top and tank top that has seen better days. Everyone would be like "oh my god someone call the fashion police," and they wouldn't even care that I was the deer whisperer. But anyway the bright side of not getting to play with the deer is I get the whole cake to myself now. 

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Let's Start a Spank Bank

Today was a good day. When Justin got home from work I tried to be sexy and take off my sweat shirt but my head got stuck in it again and then I elbowed him in the temple "so hard he couldn't even think straight," (his words not mine.. my elbows are dainty and do not inflict any damage on anyone ever especially when they are flailing about). Long story short I eventually got out of my sweat shirt after seeing my life flash before my eyes a half a dozen times and Justin is okay too.

After watching the "Lego" movie... (still can't decide if I really liked it or not) we played a few rounds of Phase 10. Or I should say I dominated and kicked some tremendous ass in Phase 10 like I always do *brushes off shoulder. Speaking of ass Justin came up with this new terminology today; Spank Bank. Needless to say I will be coming up with rules/guidelines for this coined verbiage. Obviously with our relationship this will come in very handy. Well for me it will... As for Justin I am quite sure the threat of my elbow will be the least of his problems going forward.  

Oh and I nearly failed to mention that yesterday evening we watched "The Grand Budapest Hotel." It is a must see if I do say so myself. If you have seen and enjoyed "Moonrise Kingdom," I feel you will be delighted by the former just as equally. 

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Quizzical Outcomes

So Justin and I take those dumb quizzes online from time to time still. You know the ones that basically ask nine questions and then provide you with some bull shit response as to what kind of person you are in a particularly narrow selection of options. In my defense anything that has to do with Harry Potter I just have to do because I am me. Anyway to get on with it~ the other day we took the “which house are you in at Hogwarts” quiz. I of course landed in Gryffindor; this was to be expected since I took the real in-depth quiz prior to being sorted into Gryffindor on the Pottermore website (don’t be judge-y). I assumed Justin would land in the same house or perhaps even Hufflepuff since he is very friendly. Well I was astounded when he got….

Now I must question the real reasons behind why I am so in love with this man. Perhaps there is a little bit of Voldemort inside of him after all. I have a funny feeling that all my dreams are about to come true. 

In other news I like the looks of this quiz because I probably would be a mask wearing bipedal brown bear. 

Photo Credit:

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Dinner and Witty Banter From the Most Esteemed Members of Society

Prewarning: I am about to curse- so I apologize if you continue to read and get offended.

The other day Justin and I were driving somewhere to get something. Nothing illegal unless Greek food is against the law; but as much as Justin’s ass makes a case for that- unfortunately and fortunately all at the same time Greek food is legal. Anyway as we went on our merry way we exchanged some pleasantries. 

Me: Why is that fucktard running across four lanes of traffic in the middle of rush hour?

Justin: Because he is a fucktard. (For the duration of our trip Justin continued to call everyone a fucktard who crossed our paths.)

Justin: I can’t stop calling everyone a fucktard, and it is all your fault. 

Me: I never have called anyone that name before. 

Suddenly a wild pack of children erupted out of nowhere riding their bikes like some sort of hooligans. 

Me: What are all those fucktards doing?

Not sure why I felt compelled to write a blog about this, but I suppose it is Thursday.  
Also because it is Thursday I had to share this. I found it on the interwebs the other day but I can't recall where. Probably because it is summer and the only thing I can focus on is re reading the Harry Potter books for the millionth time and eating. Photo Credit: Reddit maybe???

Sunday, June 8, 2014

The Golden Goalie

I came home Saturday after a well spent day with my girlfriend who was in from out of state. My heart leapt with joy as I noticed this on the television…

I thought for a half a moment that Justin was watching Quidditch (live-action muggle version). Unfortunately I was grossly mistaken. He was just watching football but I must say if I were on the opposing team in that game I would have abandoned all traditional game rules and immediately started chasing that man because then the game would end and I would get 150 points and it would be the highest scoring football game ever. 

Who Wore It Better??
I am pretty sure that the goalie guy (right) is giving the Golden Snitch in the movie "The Internship" (left) a run for his money.
Also PS: in unrelated news I saw this on Facebook; a friend of mine liked it and I haven't stopped laughing since."When you drop something in front of your crush"

Friday, June 6, 2014

Donot Day

Today is National Donut Day. While I normally resist any form of American pride type events I had no other choice but to succumb to seven, yes SEVEN vegan donuts today. It all happened so fast it is hard to recount the events that aggregated to a bleak totality of complete and utter donut hell. I parked my ass on the couch when I arrived home and pulled up Facebook with the greasy debris still covering my fingertips. I scrolled though the countless health conscious posts; “I’m going to the gym,” “look at this photo of me in a swim suit,” “I lost five pounds I am just so amazing,” while smearing remnants of my feast on my iPhone screen. 

For half a second I felt guilty, but then I realized that I may not post selfies every other day or frequent the gym but I am as happy as a fat kid with cake, or me with cake, or me with donuts for that matter. I don’t mean that I am only happy when I am knee deep in junk food but I am happy pretty much all the time. That is saying something-because there are so many people that aren’t satisfied with their lives. I may have just had a gluttonous feast, but I am nowhere near being one of those dissatisfied people. Now if you will excuse me I need to roll into the bedroom and crawl into bed because my feast exhausted me. National Cat Day and National Donut Day all in one week… I do not know what to do with myself. 

PS: I hear tomorrow is National VCR day....