You may
recall around Christmas time (also right on the cusp of finals) last year that
I had some issues with my bladder; here and here.here. (I can't fix that typo~click on the second 'here' not the first on the two stuck together) In true Malina fashion
my body parts decided to go at it again right in the middle of the semester
coming to a close.
A few
weeks ago I awoke in the night to a terrible contracting feeling in the middle
of my chest. It was such a peculiar pain that caught me off guard. I sat up
from about 10:30pm-9:00am dealing with this odd searing pain until finally I
could go to the doctor during normal business hours to avoid paying excessively
for the ER. Before I left I took a sip of Red Bull. By the time I arrived at
the doctor (a walk in doc in the box type place) I was doubled over in pain
crying. I must have looked quite attractive and they were concerned about my
dramatic performance bringing all the boys to the yard so they stuck me in a
corner separate from the waiting room while I awaited the PA’s attention.
Finally
after 30-45 minutes it was my turn. We discussed a bunch of boring things about poop and body parts, and
took some blood and an x-ray which appeared normal. The PA suspected my
appendix and sent me on my way to get a CT scan down the road. Finally the pain
began to subside. I went to the scan; got the results back and all looked
normal. The PA called to tell me to come back should things get worse and that
it may be a gastrointestinal problem and to follow up with a specialist.
I ate a
pickle since I had not eaten anything all day and it was going on 4:00pm. The
pain came back but it was bearable. A few hours later it dissipated. Then
Justin got pizza and I could not resist because I am me. I ate not one, not
two, but three pieces of delectable vegan pizza. I skipped off to bed,
unsuspecting of the events that would soon transpire.
Not two
hours after eating my eyes snapped open and once again I was in excruciating
pain however it was roughly 100 times worse that it had been before. Finally
Justin and I made an executive decision to spend the $ and head to the ER for
our fear of my going on a rampage and waking all of the neighbors. Long story
short it wound up being my gallbladder. It took the ER trip, a follow up with a
gallbladder specialist, a HIDA scan (which I had 8 days after the CT so that
the contrast did not interfere with the HIDA scan dye), and a whole lot of
starving before the scan results were in. I lost only 6 pounds on my all liquid
diet. Justin all the while enjoyed left over pizza, finger steaks, and even
some Dairy Queen…Finally two lonely Saturday mornings ago at 8:00am I had the
damn thing removed.
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| http://monsterkookies.deviantart.com/art/Golly-A-Gallbladder-109159089 |
I am
sure the bills will start rolling in any day now. My question is; why is it
that the hospital charges me to take out my gallbladder? It is damn near a
weapon of mass destruction; they should have paid me to have the privilege of removing
it, and learning from its maniacal tendencies. I think since it is called a
gallbladder it was in cahoots this whole time with my bladder who failed to
kill me back in December. Bastard. Nonetheless it is somewhere in the depths of
hell torturing someone else now; of that I am sure. I wonder what is in store
for me next time finals roll around? Pretty soon they will have to start
putting robot parts in me.
In twenty years I will probably look like this except with more cats around me~ and maybe Justin too because he won't judge me for having a third foot.
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| Photo Credit: Star Wars |
How I feel with the impending doom of medical bills:
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| http://cheezburger.com/2580004352 |
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