Monday, April 27, 2015

Feeling Horse

Me: Sometimes when I drive I like to pretend I'm riding a horse. 

Justin: What?

Me: Especially when we go over these bumpy parts of the road it's like we're trotting on uneven ground. 

Justin: okay weirdo. 

In my defense I'm not sure that Justin has ever ridden a horse. If he had it was probably in his youth because it would take a giant horse to cart around his big bottom these days ;) I kid I kid. 

In all seriousness though when did we decide to stop riding horses to work? I mean how awesome would that be to just meander on into work with your horsey, tie it up outside (or perhaps let it go play in a special horse corral area??), go pet it during lunch and then ride it home. I vote we bring horses back into the transportation industry more so than they are now. Heck then maybe I could buy a buggy and put some cats in there. Win-win. 

Ps I have been delirious the past few days because I caught Justin's weird stomach bug so if this doesn't make any sense I blame that. 

Pps I asked Justin and he said he has not ridden a horse. So I'll be on the lookout for one of these. If you find one tell me :)

Saturday, April 25, 2015

Song of the Me

When I have a long day/week at work I want nothing more than to be able to apparate to the beach and pet narwhals, but I'm realistic. I realize that narwhals want to eat donuts, and I don't have any of those that I haven't already eaten so I resort to plan b: sit on my rump and watch cartoons and/or Harry Potter. 

Justin and I have a Netflix subscription. Luckily our insta watch gets some usage but we have this horrible habit of not watching the discs that come in the mail. Justin blames me for this since I refused to finish watching "Song of the Sea," when it caused me to go to the ER not once but twice during the kidney stone days. Those darn seals looked so innocent too:

Anyway the following conversation transpired Wednesday evening after our Netflix movie had been sitting on our counter for a week. 

Justin: Do you want to watch that Netflix movie or will you magically get a kidney stone?

Me: Well since it isn't "Song of the Sea," I won't get a kidney stone duh. 

Justin: So you actually want to watch it then?

Me: Does it have a lot of cuddly cats, and is it fun loving because I'm in the mood for something light hearted. 

Justin: it's called "A Most Violent Year."

Me: ... So no cats then?

Justin: I doubt it. 

I should mention we wound up watching "Cake," which I rented from Hastings. It is that new Jennifer Anisron movie. While it barely had anything to do with cake it was still pretty good :)

Friday, April 24, 2015

Is Imitation the Finest Form of Flattery?

I went for a walk after work yesterday because I have been slacking in the exercise arena. Justin managed to arrive home before I did and greeted me with confusion. 

Justin: What is that?

Me: What? (Looking behind me)

Justin: Your jacket 

Me: Oh I bought this awhile ago I just haven't worn it because I haven't exercised since I bought it. 
(That is not me by the way)

Justin: you look like you're getting ready for a bike ride. 

Me: I do???

It may not be evident as to why this statement bothered me so much but allow me to explain. At the time I ordered the jacket I was being trained by this most fabulous individual at my work. She really enjoys bike riding. When I picked out the jacket I picked it just because I thought it was cute and I actually owned some similar jackets but in more muted tones (sans the bright pink one). The fact that Justin immediately thought it looked like a bike riding jacket kind of threw me. Oh my gosh-I thought-was I just subconsciously copying someone without even realizing it?? 

I have my own style and have had it for many years. Yes it has evolved to keep up with the times but it is and always has been my own. Throughout my life it has driven me bonkers when I notice people copying me; the clothes I wear, my hair color/style, my life goals... I mean I realize I'm not the first person to rock my hairstyle I've rocked for ohhhh- 95% of my life or dream up certain career goals I have but when you meet someone, hear all about their aspirations, truly love the individual that they are and then watch as they start leeching onto you, next they start copying little things; your style of dress, your hair, and then all of the sudden their life dream is the same as yours it just feels...??? Well I don't know that there is a word for it. 

Is imitation truly the finest form of flattery? I think not. I think loving the person YOU are is the finest form of flattery. I think slowly robbing others of their character is boring. There is only one "you" in this world. Embrace it.  

Ps I'm keeping the jacket. Not only because it smells like BO after my walk but because I like it and I was not intentionally copying my biker chick friend when I picked it out. Also yellow is my favorite color; if this even is yellow. I seriously have trouble distinguishing between colors but it looks yellow to me :)
PPS if you want to copy me and buy this jacket sorry- the store I bought it from sold out :) 

Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Thought of the Day...

Today was crazy busy at work. You know the kind of day where the computer breaks, the printer follows suit, then computer programs go haywire and the patients are mostly glum. I made it through fortunately. I day dreamed of vegan cake each time stress would creep up and longed to have one delivered which I would totally be willing to share I might add. Unfortunately for everyone involved I don't know of any bakeries that deliver vegan cake. 

To quash my sweet tooth after work I headed over to Moxie Java for a coconut raspberry (cream-free) Italian soda. The barista asked me to taste the final product to make sure it was okay. It was SOda-licious (see what I did there). I started crying because it was that good or I was that brain dead after my shift. Anyway I drove away in embarrassment and pretty much downed the whole thing immediately. Ooh the little things in life. 

I found this note in my work binder mid way through the day that I had written previously that said: 'thought of the day- start a cat cafe!' And that kind of lifted my spirits. I totally do need to start a cat cafe how do we not have one of those in Idaho?!  

Monday, April 20, 2015

Pee is for Puke

Remember when I had that kidney stone? My doctor ordered me to pee in a jug for 24 hours straight, store it in my fridge, and then mail it via FedEx to the lab... Hopefully we will find out why I passed the Rock of Gibraltar. Here is the most important instruction I was giving (in bold at the bottom)

I took my piss with me to work today because I had to schedule for FedEx to come and collect it since I have zero time to drop it off. Talk about awkward. I kept wondering if the delivery driver knew the contents of my biohazard bag were when he came to pick it up. We spent like ten minutes trying to photo copy the label on the package because apparently I wasn't supposed to keep the copy that said "sender's copy." Anyway all I could think was; 'oh my gosh the cap is going to fall off my piss bottle and my pee is going to simultaneously ruin the copier and cause me to be electrocuted. Fortunately I survived. 

Now we wait to find out what the dealy-o is. I should probably just stop eating rocks. 

In the meantime Justin has  had a terrible bout of the flu. He has been up worshiping the porcelain God since about 2:00 am. I had the flu shot months ago because I had no choice if I wanted to continue to volunteer. Now I'm thanking my lucky stars that I was forced into getting it. This morning I enjoyed my oatmeal while in the midst of strange retching noise emitting periodically from the bathroom. Hopefully the storm will pass soon. 

Sunday, April 19, 2015

Windy Wedding

Today we celebrated some of our old friends' wedding day :) 

Many moons ago when Justin and I started dating he lived with the groom seen above. Quickly (eight months) after moving in with his friend he realized I was the only person he ever wanted to live with for the rest of his life because he worships the ground I walk on; ba ha ha I kid... In all seriousness life was throwing curve balls at us so we took a leap and have been having midnight spank sessions ever since. 

It was refreshing to see how these two are still so in love. In fact I feel they are more in love than ever. Their wedding was beautiful atop a penthouse suite in downtown Boise. It was a bit breezy and unfortunately my flowy dress tried to Marylin Monroe me like 199 times but I was up to the challenge. 

All in all I'm so glad we got to share our friends' special day because it transported me back to the beginning of my relationship with Justin. Reminiscing about the good ol' days is fun however thinking about how much we have both grown over time (literally and figuratively ha ha) is unbelievable. Yay us. 

Here are some photos of us from today. We are so bad at taking photos. I hope you enjoy Justin's chopped off head and my weird legs. You're welcome. 

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Drive By Shooting

If there is one thing that is extraordinarily uncomfortable in a professional setting it is when someone decides to do a drive by ass-ripping whilst i am in the midst of important phone calls with a waiting room full of patients. Today the culprit was busy doing some clerical work by my desk. I was sitting with two other associates when the shots were fired. I immediately looked expectantly at the baby in the waiting room and wondered if it needed a diaper change.

After about 1-2 minutes the smell was lingering like a particularly smelly trash bag which leaves its stench behind after it is taken out. I turned to the associate next to me in the most serious face i could manage and asked; 'do you smell that?' At this point I felt as though my eyes were going to burn right out of my head from the fumes. I could not understand why or how someone could have that noxious of gas.

The associate next to me calmly said; 'I thought that was you!' Then I could not stop laughing and I was terribly worried that everyone would definitely think it was me since I was having a fit. They were probably all thinking what is the matter with that gassy/possibly pooped her pants woman? I couldn't leave my post out of fear that when I left the smell would coincidentally follow me and thus I would even be more to blame.*sigh

Finally after a full five or six minutes the smell was gone. Never in my life have I smelled something so foul. Not even when I had food poisoning one hundred years ago. As to the culprit; well played my friend. Well played. You almost got away with it.

Saturday, April 11, 2015

Junk Drawer

I made up a word today. 

Justin and I were downstairs on the couch after an evening apart; each with our own friends. I went to a dinner with friends and he went to a man shower. I was feeling glum since I had missed my bigger butted half throughout the evening... mostly when I was reading about rump roasts on the restaurant menu. 

I am deaf in one ear so sometimes when my ear is facing things in close proximity to it the sound emanating from said things is deafening. My ear was facing Justin's big toe which kept hitting the couch cushion in a strange fashion. I literally thought shots were being fired outside. Luckily I was wrong and all he was doing was flexing his toe. 

I was a bit on edge after what I'd assumed was a shooting spree ended which is what I attribute to my momentary spark of brilliance in coining a new phrase. I work best under pressure you see. So if ever I am in a stand off, or getting kidnapped I will be like 'quick sir (or m'am whoever the perpetrator is) write down this new word I invented and use it as your own 'til the end of your days.' Then they would think I was so smart that they probably wouldn't kill me which is cool also. 

Now the moment you've all been waiting for which really now that I think of it isn't that cool. Justin had his hand down his pants since he was being manly and I said "Hey get your hand out of your junk drawer!" Get it? Junk and drawer or drawers. Yes I know....not *that* cool but still proud of it. 

Thursday, April 9, 2015


I've been having fun at all of the locations I get to rotate between at my new job. (Is it weird that every time I say job mentally I annunciate it as yob like the little boy does in that super old "Fun With Dick and Jane," Jim Carrey movie [circa 2005 {incidentally there is not a meme on the Internet to represent what I am speaking of (or I just can't find one [it could be me really {are you getting lost in my tunnel of parentheses because I know I am}])}]) Anyway I have this thing for art and photography and apparently so do hospital decorators because they like to put it on the hospital walls. Weird I know who would ever dream of such a thing besides me. Putting art on walls. 

Long story short I found my favorite piece of art thus far this week. Behold:

'What a neat barn,' you say. We'll take a closer look my friends:

Amazeballs. Unfortunately this is not for sale. It is also roughly 3 feet tall and 2-2.5 feet wide so I really wouldn't have anywhere to put it except on the ceiling above my bed but I doubt as though justin would go for that. He did however suggest that I knick it because he doesn't think the hospital will notice. Such a bad influence Justin is on me. 

Sunday, April 5, 2015

You're A Mean Girl

This weekend I enjoyed the company of one of my best friends. We went to get pedicures for the first time since we got locked in the mall together a few years ago and the Sears employees wouldn't let us leave. We made sure to schedule our services early enough in the day so the same thing didn't happen. 

We did a bit of shopping and indulged in pretzels and raspberry lemonade before we endured the painfully ticklish pedicures. We were ambling along the upper corridor of the mall when three women came speed walking towards us 

 The woman closest to me bellowed,  "Oh my God you need to move!" 

It should be noted between my friend and I only about 1/5 of the walkway was taken up. The three women took up a little more than 4/5 when walking elbow to elbow. I couldn't believe my ear as I stopped dead in my tracks and turned to stare after the angry lass. 

My friend suddenly in a valiant and brave effort to defend my honor shouted: "I don't understand how you have any friends!" 

Then we had to speed walk away because the three menacing looking trolls rounded on us and looked as though they might pummel us. 

It was pretty comical that my friend responded in the way she did. I couldn't help but picture that "Mean Girls," scene:

But seriously how do people act that way in public, and treat individuals who they have never met in such an unfriendly way?

Thursday, April 2, 2015

The Time Traveler's Life

Time travel is real. That is the only explanation for my blog publishing my most recent posts in an obscure fashion. I must have been writing blogs while I was time traveling and somehow forgotten all about it. It's true what they say; "awful things happen to wizards who meddle with time." Now I know. *sigh

I don't know why I opted to write blogs while time traveling. Maybe I should have found patient zero for the AIDS epidemic and quelled the whole mess before it even started, convinced that art school to let Hitler be a student so he didn't extinguish millions of people or at least have gone to meet Gandalf. 

Anyway I don't have any idea of how to fix the posting order so I'm sorry for the inconvenience. 

Also I'm heading into a nice long weekend. I'm pretty excited about it. I will probably spend the majority of my time doing the following:


And this 

That's right. Turning into a cat :) just kidding but sleeping lounging around and of course reading HP will be in the mix.