Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Moonlight Loly PoOps and RainbRowns

So my niece writes songs and she has a real knack for it. I have copied verbatim the latest sure-to be-pop sensation "Moonlight Lolypoops and rainbrowns" for your enjoyment. 

*note: I believe the numbering represents the "count" the singer is supposed to be holding the note for. The misspellings are in a word: perfect. 

Whisper 1. Sunshine loly pops and rainbows ous ous ous
123. Sunshine loly pops and rainbows
Talk 1. Moonlight something that gives the planets in our solar system light and is the center of our solar system
123. Moonlight!
2. Lolypoops-something yummy you put in your mout and eat
123. Lolypoops!
3. Rainbrowns-something colorful in the sky made by rain and shine 
123. Rainbows!
Whisper moonligh lolypoops and rainbrowns 
123 moon light loly poops and rainbrowns!
Talk 1 sunshin
Talk 2 loly pops
Talk 3 and rainbrowns
Moonligh loly poops and rain browns!
I may need to educate about what moonlight is but other than that I think it is great :) the cat feels indifferent about it

Along Came A Spiders.

I drove eight hours from upstate New York to New Hampshire today. Needless to say I was a little tired upon my arrival to my parents house. Especially after witnessing several deer casualties and having flashbacks to my own accident in Montana last fall. 
My sister and I plopped down to watch a movie on Lifetime because we were feeling corny and needy like a middle aged woman with a lot of cats (i.e. Me in ten years). We kept commenting on how there was too much romance in the film. Suddenly a strange feeling overcame me and I couldn't quite put my finger on what that feeling was. I started surveying my surroundings, then glanced upwards. 
Above me on the ceiling was a ginormous spider, or so I thought. I jumped up and ran across the room. Once at a safe distance I glanced up yet again to find another spider. Between girlish screams my sister was able to connect the dots to what I was saying. She too is deathly afraid of the eight legged beasts. At long last I got to safety which incidentally allowed me to keep a close eye on "both" spiders. I started to closely examine the first monster when I noticed there were two bodies. I thought it must be eating an innocent insect. Boy was I wrong. It was two spiders doing the nasty! Apparently they like to come out during Lifetime movies and shag because that is an aphrodisiac for the bastards! I'm thinking of having Justin cancel that network at our apartment; that is if we even have Lifetime. 
One baseball bat, a fireplace shovel, a broom with wet paper towels, one vacuum cleaner, and finally a very angry half asleep mom later the three spiders were disposed of. They are probably up in spider heaven having an orgy while watching the "women's network." 
Hindsight I do think spider karma was the cause of this incident since not two days prior this wretched beast was slain at my grandpa's house *shudder. 

Sunday, May 18, 2014

Rainbow Horses and Cats With Hair

Things have been spectacular thus far on my trip to New Hampshire. The only thing missing is Justin. I have spent much time outside enjoying the rolling hills, treasure hunting with metal detectors alongside my niece and uncle and of course familiarizing myself with sidewalk chalk once more. 
Sawyer's cat (I like the hair)
Sawyer's penguin
My rainbow horse 

There are lots of others but I don't want to bombard you. 

In the beginning I realized that there was a such thing as free time, and had a hard time remembering what to do with myself. Once my bare feet crossed the porch threshold and carried me out to the grassy lawn; it didn't take long to remember. 

My evenings have been spent with cups of tea, long conversations, numerous board games and of course my personal favorite- the delicate art that is cat harassing. 
She is unenthused ... 

Friday, May 16, 2014

Plains Trains and Automobiles

Today is the day I head to the airport for approximately two weeks to see some long lost family and friends. I am lucky enough to have a late departing flight (2-2:30 pm somewhere in there) and a short sweet flight. All in all I think I will be air-bound/layover status for somewhere around six hours. This is perfect because the shortest that this trip has been for me in the past was around the nine hour mark.

The airport I am flying into is about two hours from my parent's house. I have decided to rent a car to save the parents a long drive. So this trip will be like "Planes Trains and Automobiles." Except the only trains will be the ones in my mind which take me to Hogwarts. In reality I kind of am glad that I am not going on a train (unless it were to Hogwarts). I am quite sure the moment that I set foot in any train station I would be running at every wall looking for platform 9 3/4, or one of the other platforms which lead to the wizzarding world. I would get kicked out for sure.

This is in England-paying homage to the film version. 
Photo Credit: http://www.yelp.com/biz/platform-9-3-4-london

Here is where I will be staying for anyone who would like to stalk me. But, I think there will be a little less snow.

I am sure I will write while I am gone and probably post lots of pictures of cats- but if I am absent for a long time it is because I am somewhere in rural New Hampshire with no internet access.

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Disclaimer: We Are Not Engaged Yet

While I am quite sure some day I will be prancing down the isle while the Harry Potter theme song is playing, and Justin will be at the end of said isle; we are not engaged. I want to make that clear so you don't think I am announcing our engagement on my blog.

Text Conversation I had with Justin today~

Justin: I am going to marry you someday.

Me: Will you wear this to our wedding?
Photo Credit: viral on FB-but I stole it from my friend's page
Justin: Totally...Not
Me: Okay...How about this?
Photo Credit: Costume Wholesale

Justin: White tux for me.
Me: Well I'll meet you at the alter wearing this... then at least we will match
Photo Credit: LOTR wiki

Justin: Staff and sword in hand?

Me: Donut

Me: I meant to say duh but said donut. In all fairness I will probably will have a donut in my hand.

Justin: Not if I have cake in my hand.

Me: I know what you are thinking... So I can eat it but no- it is so I can feed it to the Narwhal. I'll put it on his tooth and he can eat it. 'cause the narwhals are invited.

Justin: I said cake damn it

Me: Do Narwhals like cake?

Side note-I learned that the "tusk" of a narwhal is actually his tooth. Sigh...

Photo Credit: Girl who works at some castle in England where they have this narwhal tooth that I am totally jealous of

Also if we ever do get married our wedding guests will be very confused because our wedding will probably have cats, narwhals, Dumbledores, Galdalfs...

Photo Credit: Pintrest

Shit-the Narwhals have done it again... I am supposed to be studying for finals.

Some More Boring Medical Info- and What I Will Probably Look Like in 20Years

You may recall around Christmas time (also right on the cusp of finals) last year that I had some issues with my bladder; here and here.here. (I can't fix that typo~click on the second 'here' not the first on the two stuck together) In true Malina fashion my body parts decided to go at it again right in the middle of the semester coming to a close. 

A few weeks ago I awoke in the night to a terrible contracting feeling in the middle of my chest. It was such a peculiar pain that caught me off guard. I sat up from about 10:30pm-9:00am dealing with this odd searing pain until finally I could go to the doctor during normal business hours to avoid paying excessively for the ER. Before I left I took a sip of Red Bull. By the time I arrived at the doctor (a walk in doc in the box type place) I was doubled over in pain crying. I must have looked quite attractive and they were concerned about my dramatic performance bringing all the boys to the yard so they stuck me in a corner separate from the waiting room while I awaited the PA’s attention.  

Finally after 30-45 minutes it was my turn. We discussed a bunch of boring things about poop and body parts, and took some blood and an x-ray which appeared normal. The PA suspected my appendix and sent me on my way to get a CT scan down the road. Finally the pain began to subside. I went to the scan; got the results back and all looked normal. The PA called to tell me to come back should things get worse and that it may be a gastrointestinal problem and to follow up with a specialist. 

I ate a pickle since I had not eaten anything all day and it was going on 4:00pm. The pain came back but it was bearable. A few hours later it dissipated. Then Justin got pizza and I could not resist because I am me. I ate not one, not two, but three pieces of delectable vegan pizza. I skipped off to bed, unsuspecting of the events that would soon transpire. 

Not two hours after eating my eyes snapped open and once again I was in excruciating pain however it was roughly 100 times worse that it had been before. Finally Justin and I made an executive decision to spend the $ and head to the ER for our fear of my going on a rampage and waking all of the neighbors. Long story short it wound up being my gallbladder. It took the ER trip, a follow up with a gallbladder specialist, a HIDA scan (which I had 8 days after the CT so that the contrast did not interfere with the HIDA scan dye), and a whole lot of starving before the scan results were in. I lost only 6 pounds on my all liquid diet. Justin all the while enjoyed left over pizza, finger steaks, and even some Dairy Queen…Finally two lonely Saturday mornings ago at 8:00am I had the damn thing removed. 

I am sure the bills will start rolling in any day now. My question is; why is it that the hospital charges me to take out my gallbladder? It is damn near a weapon of mass destruction; they should have paid me to have the privilege of removing it, and learning from its maniacal tendencies. I think since it is called a gallbladder it was in cahoots this whole time with my bladder who failed to kill me back in December. Bastard. Nonetheless it is somewhere in the depths of hell torturing someone else now; of that I am sure. I wonder what is in store for me next time finals roll around? Pretty soon they will have to start putting robot parts in me. 

In twenty years I will probably look like this except with more cats around me~ and maybe Justin too because he won't judge me for having a third foot. 
Photo Credit: Star Wars

How I feel with the impending doom of medical bills:

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Caturday Night Finals Fever (this actually has nothing to do with cats)

I kind of pulled an all-nighter the other day. I had my first two finals on Saturday. I took a nap sometime in the wee hours of the night, but was studying for 24-ish hours straight. Because I am an old woman now I need a lot of sleep especially when I am trying to memorize copious amounts of material. At last my two Saturday back to back (9:00 am and 10:30 am) finals were over and I was free to rest. Justin went to the store to pick up a few household items and as he was leaving I was wrapped up in my blanket on the couch half way to dream land when he tried to have a conversation with me.

Justin: “Goodbye”


Justin: “Love You”

Me: “Hi.”

Justin: “Wait what?”

After several moments passed I snapped back into reality and confessed my undying love in return. Not sure where I was or what I was thinking but in the 6-ish hours that passed I slept like a comatose person. Then I awoke just in time pick on Justin while he was trying to fall asleep.

A Beautiful Mind

Finals week is upon me as much as I tried to resist I have succumb to the utter madness that is test taking hell, and incessant recalculations of what-if scenarios that could make or break my grades. 

Last week I was hurriedly preparing to attend my final lecture of the year. I was running behind owing to my last minute finishing of homework. I slapped my testosterone cream on and was midway through applying my face cream when the horror struck. I had mixed up the two and was in the process of wiping acne-causing man juice all over my face. It was too late. That afternoon I sprouted penises all over my face. Not really but I did get a few shiny new zits since my face decided to act like a teenaged boy. I can’t say I blame it. 

In other news; only five more days until I fly out to New Hampshire. I certainly hope that I do not wind up with airport troubles like I did the last time I flew (December 2012). I set off the scanner with my “explosive” ass and hands. I blame Dunkin Donuts because I am pretty sure I drank their coffee that morning.
PS this photo was taken like 9 months ago. Not today. I don't normally wear belly shirts.

Monday, May 5, 2014

Cinco de Malina-Yo

So today a friend of mine asked if I was mad since I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off and not responding to messages she was sending.  When things settled down (after volunteering) I responded jokingly that I was mad because she neglected to get me cake for my half birthday. I promptly told her I was kidding but really did wish I had some cake. 
Like two minutes later I was like OMG what is today?!? It actually IS my half birthday! I have never celebrated it or acknowledged it but periodically I joke about it being my half birthday when it isn't because I'm always talking about cake since I'm me. 
I told justin it was my 1/2 birthday, which incidentally is also our 18 month anniversary of datingand then he came home with these bad boys
and some cupcakes and coffee. I was like wow I should "make up" holidays more often. But apparently he was planning on doing that all along because he knows how to add (the accountant degree methinks) and was well aware it was our 18 months. 

Saturday, May 3, 2014

UnBEARable Excitement!

I had to immediately drop everything that I was doing and write this because the most incredible thing happened. First of all there is this place called "Bear World" in Rexburg, Idaho. Here is their website http://www.yellowstonebearworld.com/

I was super excited about the prospects of such a place when a good friend of mine posted about venturing to "Bear World" today. Upon "googling" I discovered that it is essentially just a shit ton of bears and other animals. You can bottle feed them and they have a petting zoo. Pretty amazing if you ask me. Well finally the photos started a-comin' on the book of faces. There was this fine specimen.

Photo Credit: Amanda

Such a cute bear- I just had to comment. Then fate came crashing in all at once and my world was turned upside down.
Take a good look my friends (at the comments). The bear is named Malina?!?!??! I have always had a liking for bears of course but now it seems I have a soul sister and she is a bear! I have officially added something to my bucket list. Well technically I do not have a bucket list-or at least I didn't have a bucket list. But I do now and it includes hanging out with the bear version of myself.

I hope to satiate my appetite for this 4 hour and 11 minute trip to Rexburg sometime this summer because how can I not?

Thursday, May 1, 2014

I'll Have a Tall Glass of Oprah

Crunch time has begun as this week begins to wrap and the final two weeks of the semester starts. I'm right about at that point where I am throwing a pity party for myself owing to the realization that I have entirely too many tasks to accomplish- you are all invited to said pity party-be sure to bring some cake. I can't promise that anything productive will happen... and there may be a lot of "I don't WANT to do this," being said.

My favorite pastime is to daydream (daymare?) about everything I have to do while physically doing nothing and fighting studying with every fiber of my being. At least the end is in sight however, only two more weeks of this shiz.

In an attempt to make myself feel better I ordered some Oprah at Starbucks. I have never watched her show however in the olden days I did read books on her reading list- I usually enjoyed her selections. Also she has self-help-ish type shows I am sure; or maybe not... either way there is now this Oprah chai tea which is pretty darn good. I can actually drink it unlike that Oregon chai stuff because there isn't any honey in it (vegan you know). There is chickory root which I am mildly allergic to so my mouth does this weird thing, and my throat kind of half closes up which makes for a terrific experience. But saying "yes, I will have one tall glass of Oprah," just kind of makes everything better.
Say What? You want some of moi?