Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Along Came A Spiders.

I drove eight hours from upstate New York to New Hampshire today. Needless to say I was a little tired upon my arrival to my parents house. Especially after witnessing several deer casualties and having flashbacks to my own accident in Montana last fall. 
My sister and I plopped down to watch a movie on Lifetime because we were feeling corny and needy like a middle aged woman with a lot of cats (i.e. Me in ten years). We kept commenting on how there was too much romance in the film. Suddenly a strange feeling overcame me and I couldn't quite put my finger on what that feeling was. I started surveying my surroundings, then glanced upwards. 
Above me on the ceiling was a ginormous spider, or so I thought. I jumped up and ran across the room. Once at a safe distance I glanced up yet again to find another spider. Between girlish screams my sister was able to connect the dots to what I was saying. She too is deathly afraid of the eight legged beasts. At long last I got to safety which incidentally allowed me to keep a close eye on "both" spiders. I started to closely examine the first monster when I noticed there were two bodies. I thought it must be eating an innocent insect. Boy was I wrong. It was two spiders doing the nasty! Apparently they like to come out during Lifetime movies and shag because that is an aphrodisiac for the bastards! I'm thinking of having Justin cancel that network at our apartment; that is if we even have Lifetime. 
One baseball bat, a fireplace shovel, a broom with wet paper towels, one vacuum cleaner, and finally a very angry half asleep mom later the three spiders were disposed of. They are probably up in spider heaven having an orgy while watching the "women's network." 
Hindsight I do think spider karma was the cause of this incident since not two days prior this wretched beast was slain at my grandpa's house *shudder. 

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