Closing the Curtains

Today was one of those uber hectic days at the office. My morning was pretty great. I successfully drove to work which in and of itself is amazeballs because you may recall the issue I was having with driving. I find that each time I drive I am able to go a little bit farther. This is good news since I am 7.5 weeks into the start of that whole mess. Hopefully it will completely be resolved in no time. My evil kidney stone is still camping out in my ureter however despite my best rain dances and voodoo to make it come out. Bastard.

Anyway like I was saying today was quite hectic at the office. Yesterday my iPhone experienced the blue screen of death so I attempted to visit AT&T after work today so I could pick up a replacement phone. Apparently AT&T does not handle those requests; Apple must take care of it directly. I was a little irritated at this point but I proceeded to the store to grab the one item I needed before heading home for the day.

I stood at the end of a very long line and was affronted with the woman in front of mes ass cheek and what may have possibly been a vaginal lip hanging out of her cutoff jean shorts from 1979. I argued mentally for the entire time I was standing in line about whether or not I should tell her about what she looked like from behind. I eventually decided that it was not my place to tell her. I definitely like to be made aware of flaws on my person when I am in public to save me from embarrassment later on however if someone told me my crotch was hanging out I would probably be mortified so I figure some things are better left unsaid. Ignorance is bliss after all, or so they say. Besides maybe she could feel her beef curtain (or possible ass roll) blowing in the wind, and wanted it that way. Who am I to deprive her of this?

This would probably be my face if someone told me my beef curtain was out

Feeling Stoned

Remember when I was complaining about that weird phenomenon that was experiencing where I couldn't drive and was dizzy all the time? I have been dealing with that business for seven weeks now and it has been a big pain in the butt however now I have an even bigger problem; a kidney stone dun dun duuuuun. 

I probably shouldn't complain because the last time I complained about a medical problem I suddenly came down with a worse condition. So my next blog will probably say that I have spontaneously turned into a robot.

I blame all of this hoopla on the fact that I made New Year's Resolutions. I swear whenever I say I'm going to accomplish something the universe throws lots of curveballs my way to impede me. 

Anyway Justin has enjoyed accompanying me on three trips to the emergency room over the past week where I vomit and thrash around crying in pain. I'll spare you the rest of the sob story. 2015 has been one for the books. With any luck this will all end and I can get my life back ASAP. 

I wrote this nearly a month ago...

Friday the thirteenth... the day before Valentine's Day. I had some rather risqué photos done because it is what most women do for their significant others. 

What I'm about to show you is a little saucy. In fact get ready to see me the most naked I have ever been in any photo. 

Yeah that's right I'm watching you my blog readers. Ps my eyes aren't really that disproportional in size I'm just angled weird in the scanner thing. Or I guess we can pretend my eyes are that mismatched and perhaps they will consider me to play Sloth in the new "Goonies," movie. 

In all seriousness my brain scan is fine. However something peculiar is going on. We are pretty sure it is a nerve virus which should be done with in a few more weeks-months from now. Basically I just have to have Justin drive me around everywhere and I can't watch action movies because the motion is bothersome. 

I like to pretend like it isn't a big deal but honestly I have been going nuts not having driven since February. Hopefully I'm in the final stretch of this now however. If it goes on for much longer we may have to get one of these bikes so we can ride around in better style.