Man Panties or Boy Shorts

A few years ago when I was spending my working days at a law office I made the executive decision to always wear shorts under dresses. Now without fail I have to have on a pair in order to feel comfortable/secure when I leave the house in a dress. I suppose this is a good thing because you never know when that dirty sewer air will creep out of a manhole and blow up your lady bits when you're just trying to walk. (Pretty sure some pervy teenage mutant ninja turtle is lurking under all of those air blowing manholes but whatever). I've got a couple of black pairs of shorts that go nicely under my dress without looking frumpy. It works. 

Except when it is laundry week and everything is dirty and I have to resort to wearing Justin's sexy man panties. This is horrific because it has a pouffe for the penis and since I don't have one it constantly feels like I am carrying an empty sandwich bag around. I wonder if they make man panties for dudes who have a micro-penis because I bet that regular man underwear make them feel inadequate. 

I know what you're thinking, 'why don't you just wear boyshorts?' No. I feel like that word is just weird. And boy shorts are not the same as man panties because they don't cover as much. I need to invent a line of micro-penis panties which double as women's shorts for under dresses. Then if a man is ever insecure about having a micro-penis (no need for insecurities but we all have them) he can pretend like he is buying them for his girlfriend. Kind of like how I pretend the "Harry Potter," stuff I buy is for kids.