Prime Time Shopping

One of my friends suggested a book for me to read. Being as how my Amazon cart has been idling just under the $35 marker for a few months (free shipping amount for us non-Prime users) I was rearing to put the book in my cart. Also a certain holiday is coming up for which one of the books in my cart will make a great gift to a certain someone. So that made me even more excited. 

Anticipation was mounting as I awaited what felt like decades because let's face it; my patience is dreadfully thin. I decided to see if Amazon could read minds so I keyed "book Lacy told me to read," into the search bar this is what Amazon suggested. 

Way to go Amazon. You think Lacy is a perv! Though I must say Lacy does milk her own goats and she is a sexy beast so there is that. Huh. 

Texting Troubles

I have a few friends that I text frequently. I also text Justin like I'm his fan girl because I am. Sometimes I'm only mildly aware of who I'm text messaging because I think I've text messages a particular person last and don't even pay attention and just click on the top text and go for it. Lazy? Brain dead? I dunno but it makes for some interesting conversations I suppose. 

Me: We have to be careful Rhinocerossing because there is a metal thing sticking out of the bed

Lacy: wait... What?

Me: Omfg sorry I meant to send that to Justin I just did a ton of yoga because I ate too many cookies and I am out of it. While doing yoga I bumped into the side of the bed and there is this metal thingy poking out. Rhinocerossing is not sex I promise!

Me again: It's really dumb but if one of us is standing at the foot of the bed facing it the other one runs like a rhinoceros and knocks the one standing on to the bed

And me one more time: I swear to god we don't have sex like rhinos omfg

Lacy: OMG that is the most amazing accidental text lmao

Me: I seriously hope that you don't think we practice beastiality 

Lacy: I would hardly think that. Plus if you were legit into rhinos I need to know two things: how is it accomplished and where do you keep the rhino?

Somehow my friend believes me and doesn't think I'm crazy which is awesome. I chalk this up as a win. 

I've Got Friends in Many Places

Lots of people are just like DYING to be my friend. It is evident by all the friend requests I get on social media (like two per year), and the number of people who read this blog (like one per year). 

I was innocently minding my own business when this random phone number called. I usually don't pick those up because the callers always think I'm fucking with them, and that I truly am their long lost granddaughter. Like Anetta who continually called to leave me pleading voicemails to pick up the phone again because obviously I WAS her granddaughter. This went on for ages. It was heart breaking. I should have just let her adopt me. 

Back to here and now I get this random call from a certain Gerg, allow it to go to voicemail, and then proceed to listen to this super detailed message about how me (my name is Aunt Linda in this scenario) did not receive my/her invite to his kid's graduation. 

I decide to text because he says several times that he'll continue to call until he reaches me. Then this happens. 

God Greg, are you related to Anetta? I know how much you guys want to be my friend but I swear I'm not related to you. Just kidding. Greg figured it out eventually. 

Moomograms

I'm on another work trip this week. Well, technically just for this night. It does feel like a week though since I don't get to see my main squeeze for approximately 36 hours. 

It's been interesting so far here in this small town. I haven't been here before. I've driven through since it is right off a highway. This particular highway apparently runs from Newport, Oregon to Newport, Maine. I'm not sure of the facts on that, but the motel owner seemed pretty confident about his claim. Also I learned that there are only about 330 people here. Well 333 now I guess since my work mates are here. 

I'm still recovering from the gross illness I got on my last mobile trip. So I'm feeling extra needy and missing Justin extraly because that is a word and because I'm using that as an excuse. Though perhaps I'm just becoming one of those clinger 5,000 basic bitches. Great. 

I did kill a huge spider when I got here. It was in the motel room like, "welcome," and I was like, "I'm am an independent woman and will squash you to hellllllll," except I was more screamy. Yeeeeuck. Also we almost killed a couple of cows with the mammography bus because they apparently don't have fences out here in this free-range area. They probably just wanted mammograms because we don't come here very often and they need to be screened too. 

Anyway here is a photo from before I left. I was trying to take a picture of the flowers Justin bought me when he came waltzing into the room and I angled my lens at him instead. The photo is all blurry, and I didn't get the whole flower or the whole Justin, but I like it because I'm feeling nostalgic. 

Festival of Sausages

I won a contest. A real live freaking contest. Except not really; or not yet at least. *sigh 

Ladies, and Gentleman; I'm possibly going to sausage fest. Why you ask? Because apparently I'm more learned in meaty beefy porky sausagey creations than like a million other Facebook people. I think this is wunderbar. 

I wanted to take photos of every single comment but obviously that would have take far too long. Also I've had a change of heart and totally want to go to sausage fest because I'm vegan and that would just be.... Well you know a deliciously gloriously ironicy moment. 

Justin pack your sausage... It's time to go. 

Rhinocerossing

This weekend I started this new thing with Justin in the bedroom. I don't know where it came from it just happened. Kind of like hammer pants only better because you can't get too fat for it. In fact the more weight you gain the better. 

I call it Rhinocerossing. Justin stands with his back to me facing the bed and I run like there is no tomorrow and rhinoceros into him. He then flies across the bed because I am so forceful. It is amazing and possibly should become an Olympic event. 

Honestly I feel like our next house should have a super long hallway in it so I can get a good running start. Adulting at its finest and goals. Yes that was a sentence. 

I found this photo on the interwebs that depicts what happens during Rhinocerossing.

I'm the gentleman running the cliff is the bed and Justin is my unsuspecting victim. 

Stitch Fix, Pinterest and Chuck Norris

I started using Pinterest. Kind of. I'm still not very good at it and mostly use it for Stitch Fix which by the way I'm slightly addicted to. I will write a post someday when I have the energy to give it the justice it deserves. It has been a long week since I'm still on the mend from this bad cold that is hanging on like...well; a bad cold. I am feeling pretty brain dead. In the meantime here is a shameless plug for the website https://www.stitchfix.com/referral/6305787

Back to this Pinterest business. I do collaborate on a couple of boards with one of my girlfriends. She is also known as my work wife just FYI. We share a love of yoga and seem to enjoy the same poses. We keep intriguing poses organized on a Pinterest board so that when we are bored we can try them. She does the majority of the pinning since I am electronically challenged. I however have pinned a handful of things. Now Pinterest thinks I am a man. Check out this email I got of pins it suggested for me. 

Jerk. I guess Pinterest isn't the first being to suspect that I have a penis. Hell even sometimes I myself have to double check and make sure I'm not a dude (in the most non-sexual way possible I might add... usually I feel around for a beard-especially since one of my main thinking poses involves my combing the side of my face/chin area with my thumb and forefinger.) huh. I guess it's Friday and that is all I have to say for myself because I'm pretty sure if I keep yammering on I'll grow a mustache then Justin might feel conflicted about loving me. He claims he likes my feminine touch, but I rather think he likes being manhandled. Also he likes when I roundhouse kick in the living room like Chuck Norris because obviously it is hella sexy in a rough and tough rogue cowboy kind of way.