Friday, April 11, 2014

Up in Arms

I have acquired this really strange new way of waking up in the morning. I am not sure what happens but at some point I shift onto my right arm in a way that causes it to go to sleep. Once it gets to a degree I wake up in a frenzy and immediately start shaking the living daylights out of it.

The first day this happened I woke up and had no feeling whatsoever when I touched my arm because it was so asleep. Also I was unable to move my arm on its own. Naturally I freaked the hell out and furiously began shaking my asleep right arm by holding it in my awake left arm and moving it every which way. My arm began to have that weird effect, you know where it looks like rubber. This was cause for more concern so I quickly sprung out of bed and started body slamming into the wall. Of course this was the most rational thing to do, because if my arm had in fact been trying to kill me, I needed to kill it first. Fortunately within about a minute and a half the tingling subsided and I regained control of my right arm again.

Me and my arm (except I wasn't wearing glasses) Photo Credit: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
The past two days the same thing has happened with the exception of body slamming because that hurt like a bitch. I am not sure what is going on, all I can venture to guess is that perhaps my internal alarm clock has gone haywire. Perhaps if this business persists I can get a robot arm. Then I can be like go go gadget arm and pick up some cake from Whole Foods without ever even moving my hefty garbage bagg-ed ass. Win-win. 

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