Monday, July 21, 2014

The Spectacle Now

It figures that the one day that I decide not to wear pants out in public I am forced to make a spectacle of myself. I had the brilliant idea to go to hot yoga today. This might be because of the other day when Justin alleged that there wasn't any cake at Whole Foods, and bought me nutritional shakes instead. You can connect the dots... If you need a map I kindly refer you to the dimples that are the cottage cheese in my ass they will show you the way.

Anyway so I stuffed my bum into some tight ass shorts because that is how I do when it is hot yoga time, and headed to the car. Unfortunately I recalled that the car was not at the apartment since it is Justin's and he took it to work today. I decided to swap him my truck for the car because my truck needs the relay replaced and can't start more than like three times in a row without dying (it needs a couple hours' rest). Also it should be noted that I have not driven my truck for several weeks since Justin has afforded me the opportunity of swapping vehicles more often than not (great bf, right? right.).

Back to my story. I got within close proximity of Justin's work and called to notify him of my imminent arrival. He then informed me that I must park in the yard since all of the street parallel parking was taken. This created quite the quandary since with the parallel parking situation, I could have made a quick getaway by side-stepping with my ass hidden by the truck and the boys in the yard would have never known about the cottage cheese that finds itself stuck to my under carriage.

I pulled into the lot haphazardly whilst attempting to park in the spot marked visitor. I underestimated the length of the truck since it had been forever since I had driven it. I wound up reversing and attempting to correct my perfectly diagonal park job 150 times before Justin came to alleviate me of my embarrassment. Then the real embarrASSment began. With my parking faux pas I caused several pairs of eyes to shift to my direction and the spectacle that I was making. Unfortunately there weren't enough objects in the way to give my ass cover. I halfway tried to side step by the chain link fence but realized there are of course, large holes in the chain link fence and it is virtually see through. Long story short (or medium length because this blog is 100 miles long) I was forced to walk away humiliated towards Justin's car, my cottage cheese following closely behind me. Bringing all the boys to the yard in it's wake... and not in a good way.
This is me minus the pants. Photo Credit: Arrested Development

No comments:

Post a Comment