Wednesday, July 13, 2016

Devil's What?

I was minding my own non-violent vegan lifestyle business the other day when suddenly: 

Me: Ahhhh!

Justin: What? 

Me: Hurry up and get out here there's a monster! 

What seemed like hours but really was only a couple seconds passed (but long enough for that little shit to waive his ass at me because he has obviously been spying on me and knowing that I like Justin's butt. He seemed to sense his imminent doom and tried to do a sexy butt dance that was actually horrifying because he has fucking pinchers on his ass.) Justin finally finished urinating since apparently that was more important than saving my life, and came to look at the beast. 

Me: What is it?

Justin: a bug

Me: okay thanks couldn't have figured that out on my own. 

Then Justin acted manly and flushed the monster down the toilet. I'm pretty sure that's how lochness monsters are made. You're welcome Scottland. 

Apparently these little blighters are called Devil's Coach Horse Beetles.
Totally appropriate. And they lay eggs in your brain while you sleep.
Makes sense. 

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