Thursday, July 7, 2016

Stressed Spells Desserts Backwards

I found this new kind of chocolate the other day. Sometimes when I go shopping I momentarily fall into autopilot because I'm so anxious about being vulnerable in the store. Every once in a while I end up with something I can't actually eat from the grocery store, something I would never wear in a million years from a clothing store, or random tools from Home Depot when I can't remember what I went there for in the first place. (That one time I bought a hand saw because you never know when you might need one and obviously that is what I went to Home Depot for... not a 9 volt battery. For the record I left the hand saw with my ex boyfriend and never did get a 9Vbattery for that smoke detector because that house I was living in probably could stand to burn down in a non-pyromaniac kind of way). 

The other day I was at the co-op. I knew I needed chocolate so I found myself bombarded with options in their specialty isle of sweets. Justin always picks on me for not trying new things. I was like omg I will try all this new chocolate and Justin will be SO proud. Except I was so anxious and forgot how to read so I wasn't sure what was vegan and what wasn't. I rifled through things as though trying to detonate a bomb looking for any and every kind of vegan chocolate I could find. I think I wound up with three different bars (hard to tell I also eat when I get nervous so I can't account for them all). 

I got home and fell in love with one of the bars but it apparently is a probiotic bar for pooping. I've been trying to work out how to get more from the store without them noticing all the poop related stuff on the packaging. I'll have to make up something and be sure to reiterate that I'm "plenty regular," should anyone cast a questioning look in my direction. Today I bought three more bars. That should tide  me over for a few hours. 
Now if you'll excuse me I have to finish breaking into my chocolate bar while evading Justin's sweet tooth. I was nearly discovered moments ago when He came upstairs to wish me a goodnight. I didn't hear him quick enough so I hid the very chocolate under my ass like a mother hen. Close call my friends. I'm not sure why but I feel like a hand saw would really help me in this situation. 

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