As white as Lord Voldemort's Face

Friday is the day of my chemistry lab. I used to loathe the class but I find the more that I go… the more I enjoy it. Prior to lab we are required to hand write all of the lab procedures in our carbon-copy paged notebooks. We then complete the experiments in class, and keep detailed record of any observations that we make in the duration. Today’s experiment involved a lot of waiting. We would add one chemical then boil it for 20-30 minutes then repeat. Things got boring.

To pass the time I got creative with my observations. I tried to take a picture to capture the essence of what I had chronicled but the combination of my iPhone camera and handwriting is terrible. So here is a verbatim taste of what I wrote (which my professor will be grading).

“…As the stir bar continues to work its magic a creamsicle milkshake consistency appears. I wonder if this will bring all of the boys to the yard. I anxiously await (not for the boys to come to the yard, for the reaction to change white as expected). Slowly the color begins to fade. I feel triumphant much like Frodo after his destruction of the one ring that rules them all .At last the solution appears as white as Lord Voldemort’s face. I have succeeded. 12:27pm.”

There is more… but reading back over it; it is not as fantastical as I had thought when I was busy penning this in my little corner. I hope my professor enjoys my break from the norm when she unknowingly comes across my moxie in her stack of lab reports… hmm… I guess we shall see. 

A friend of mine posted this on my FB wall some time ago... Oh how I love it!

 

Narwhals

I got up to go to class this morning and then decided that genetics was overrated because Narwhals are real. I was baffled this morning when I discovered this. I apparently have been living under a rock because I always thought they were some kind of mythical creature. I realize that there was one who spotlighted in “Elf” but I had no idea that was something that existed! I kind of want to go pet one right now. And I want to put some donuts or bagels on its horn thing because that would be a riot. Except by the time I got to the arctic I probably would have consumed any/all of the donuts or bagels I had brought with me.

Speaking of donuts and bagels today I was sitting in chemistry class when I felt a cool breeze on my midriff. I was wearing a light jacket over a tank top and it started to do that thing where it unzips from the bottom. A small portion of my belly was popping out of the bottom. I pulled my tank top down to cover my exposed skin. I tried my damndest to fix the stupid thing but no matter what I did it kept getting worse. Long story short I ended up walking to the parking garage pretty much wearing a cape with sleeves but hey… Narwhals are REAL.  

"Hey Buddy, I hope you find your dad!"

Mustaches and Beards

I had to go and get the second round of my tuberculosis shot today.  I entered the facility where I checked in and was told to wait a moment. I plopped down in a chair when a woman came out of the restroom and took a seat near me. She told me I had something on my face that looked like "dirt." After a few failed attempts to get it off I proceeded toward the bathroom hoping to find a mirror.

Upon opening the bathroom door I immediately was hit in the face with the most eye watering poop smell I think I have ever been bombarded with in my life. After nearly passing out I held my breath and walked straight to the mirror to check out my face situation. It appeared as though the derbies from  the sun dried tomato version of wheat thins I had devoured before class had made a sort of mustache that resembled dirt on my face.  I gagged (from the poop smell) as I brushed away the bits of flavoring as fast as I could.

Once I had wiped everything off I came back out to the waiting room where Mrs. Stink-Ass was sitting. I gave her the best 'I may have had a wheat thin mustache but at least that smell does not come out of my ass' look that I could manage as I said "I think I got it all." Fortunately at that point I was called back for my appointment. 

As I think back now, I am curious as to just how many people noticed my mustache today. A heated argument took place in my philosophy class (directly before I drove to the doctor's office). The class deals with philosophy of epic fantasy such as Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter. I often times am seething in the back row of the class as... people who are less educated about the Harry Potter series than I am state absurd things.

I must have looked particularly menacing today as I sat there with my brow in a furrow perched atop the highest row (back row) in the class room. I stared daggers into the back of little miss know it all's head  (you know the type there is one in every class). She tried to make an extraordinarily crass argument which I refuse to get into on here because none of you probably care nor would you want to spend like eight years reading the million page document I would produce. Anyway (I'm just a little irritated still obviously) I guess it is a good thing that mustaches are in these days because I can just pretend that I was trying to be a hipster I suppose. Maybe on Wednesday I will sport a beard. 

Sunday Funday

I got my head stuck in my sweatshirt today… It was not fun. I guess the whole thing only lasted six minutes or so but it felt like hours. I freed my arms in the beginning. Despite how hard I was tugging I eventually had to lie in a ‘C’ shape on the floor and employ the use of my legs and feet to try to free myself.

At one point I actually considered going to the neighbor’s to see if he could help me. But after the note I left on his door the other day I do not think he likes me very much. I thought perhaps me in my bra would distract him for long enough so that I could leave my face covered in the sweatshirt and then just run away when he pulled my sweatshirt off. He, of course, could keep the damn death trap as a parting gift then maybe I could return the favor when he got his head stuck and we could be all neighborly and shit like normal people. He is a hermit though and he would probably just die in the sweatshirt since he is neither as flexible as I am nor as friendly as I am.

I eventually realized that even if he answered the door and pulled off my sweatshirt there was still a problem. Once I was freed I could either run away from my apartment and show my tatas to god only knows how many people, or run into my apartment. If I ran back into my apartment he would probably realize it was me and I would not be as inconspicuous as I had intended. It would pretty much be the equivalent of opening a terrible Christmas present if this chick in a bra showed up at your doorstep and you pulled her head out of its trap just to find that she is the asshole that draws pictures of Chewbacca and pastes them to your door.

A Burp in the Night

Me after face planting on the bed: “UGGGHH,”

Justin: “What?”

Me: “I feel like I am going to throw up.”

Justin: “BUUUUUURRRRPPPPPP,” if only I could convey how disturbingly wet his damn burp was. Also it was so loud it rang off of the apartment walls and probably came in at a 6.3 on the Richter scale. I was afraid of inhaling the undoubtedly toxic smell which surely would have filled my nostrils with a smell so pungent it probably would have been the catalyst to my vomiting.

Please understand that in the spirit of Halloween I plotted my revenge accordingly, in the best way I knew how….

I went to the rest room and then lurked quietly outside the bathroom door for a few moments to determine whether my exit from the facilities had registered with my unsuspecting victim. I peeked around the corner and when I confirmed that the coast was clear (and had my fill of staring at the innocent who is, I might add, a handsome piece of man meat) I assumed the position on my hands and knees and crawled across the floor… quietly and quickly. Though it was nearly impossible to contain my silent laughter I somehow managed on my wayward path to arrive at the side of the bed. I sat wide-eyed and creepily peered up at him through the shadows. I had the best Gollum-esque visage I could manage.

I then lurched forward and scared the living daylights out of him; success if I do say so myself… He literally jumped and his eyes were the size of walnuts. I win…In all fairness I do think that he deserved it even if he is a handsome piece of man meat… you be the judge. 

http://marcykennedy.com/category/lord-of-the-rings/

♥ Five Ways to a Woman's Heart ♥

Since I started dating Justin I have kept a running list of a few off the wall comments that he has made that he claims are... romantic... I decided to share a few of them because I know you will all be jealous.

1.) You're beefy
2.) You are my sugar lumps
3.) You look as good as my butt.
4.) me: "I look like a boy." Justin: "A sexy boy!"
5.) You are my big girl

Awesome...

Fashionable Friday Strikes Again

Before studying this morning I decided to run a couple of errands to reduce the number of excuses that would inevitably arise later in the afternoon while searching for reasons to break from my mind-numbing Botany notes. I threw on the sweatshirt and sweat pants I had worn to chemistry lab and the doctor on Friday. I reasoned that I was going to be gone for less than an hour and decided that it wasn’t worth dirtying new clothes.

After a brief stop at the coffee shop I got stuck in a bike and running race while trying to get home. After screaming hateful invectives and shaking my fist at the heavens I finally made it through the conglomeration of race patrons and cheerer on people. I angrily stomped back up to my apartment (bear in mind I was only all attitude-y because I knew I had copious amounts of studying to suffer through and was displacing my anger on whatever other external force I could blame it on).

Once I got home I cleaned the kitchen in an effort to delay my studying even longer. I settled in and reviewed my notes for an hour or so then got up to pick up the bathroom. I picked up my dirty clothes that I had shed earlier; amongst the items was of course my sweatshirt. It was then that I noticed a pair of blue underwear partially concealed in the hood of my blue sweatshirt. Thank God they were clean. The only thing I can assume is that they must have gotten trapped in there the last time I did laundry.

I wonder how many people in my chemistry lab noticed the extra accessory I was carrying with me that day. Perhaps they thought I needed an extra pair in the event I soiled myself while we made this acid stuff that could dissolve pennies and metal. I wonder if my doctor assumed I needed an extra pair of undies after she defiled my vagina that morning. Perhaps she thought my carrying case was cleverly thought out as there was no way I could have wedged them in my pocket. I certainly hope none of the race patrons noticed the angry girl being forced to drive 3-5 mph with the underwear trapped in her hood while they passed the passenger side of my car… ‘maybe that is why she is so angry,’ they may have thought.

I am not sure how I am supposed to show my face this week in lab *sigh… I blame it on the tuberculosis shot I got on Friday… even though I got that after lab…   

While I was studying googling pictures of cats I found this gem... I can't wait until I can have a cat again..