Wednesday, October 16, 2013

A Burp in the Night

Me after face planting on the bed: “UGGGHH,”

Justin: “What?”

Me: “I feel like I am going to throw up.”

Justin: “BUUUUUURRRRPPPPPP,” if only I could convey how disturbingly wet his damn burp was. Also it was so loud it rang off of the apartment walls and probably came in at a 6.3 on the Richter scale. I was afraid of inhaling the undoubtedly toxic smell which surely would have filled my nostrils with a smell so pungent it probably would have been the catalyst to my vomiting.

Please understand that in the spirit of Halloween I plotted my revenge accordingly, in the best way I knew how….

I went to the rest room and then lurked quietly outside the bathroom door for a few moments to determine whether my exit from the facilities had registered with my unsuspecting victim. I peeked around the corner and when I confirmed that the coast was clear (and had my fill of staring at the innocent who is, I might add, a handsome piece of man meat) I assumed the position on my hands and knees and crawled across the floor… quietly and quickly. Though it was nearly impossible to contain my silent laughter I somehow managed on my wayward path to arrive at the side of the bed. I sat wide-eyed and creepily peered up at him through the shadows. I had the best Gollum-esque visage I could manage.

I then lurched forward and scared the living daylights out of him; success if I do say so myself… He literally jumped and his eyes were the size of walnuts. I win…In all fairness I do think that he deserved it even if he is a handsome piece of man meat… you be the judge.

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