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| Pretty much what the doctor saw... photo credit:http://www.fanpop.com/clubs/bella-swan/articles/175483/title/fave-bella-quotes-from-eclipse-book |
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After
a 45 minute commute I arrived to my appointment. When I checked in only one
other person was in the waiting room, a 70-ish year old man. I filled out my
paperwork when soon another patient arrived. He too was an older gentleman. He
asked me if I was there to get my prostate checked. I chuckled and continued on
my merry way of filling out the paperwork, trying my damndest to get the vision
of a butthole out of my mind’s eye. In approximately 30 minutes (yes I had to
wait that long) six other old men came. I was certainly the minority.
Finally
I was called back and led into an exam room that was filled with penises.
Models, and posters, and photos, oh my! I also could not help but notice how
low the exam tables were. I am sure this was to accommodate for the men getting
their prostates checked… As much as gynecological exams are uncomfortable I
must admit; it would be tough to be a man at times.
As
I sat in the room I felt somewhat intimidated as all the one eyed monsters
stared me down. I also felt like I was in a Clockwork Orange type of scenario
with nowhere to avert my eyes. It was then that I discovered this photograph.
The
appointment went as well as it could have. I refrained from asking if I could take
a souvenir from the exam room. There were so many penises to choose from. I
felt like I needed some kind of token to commemorate my visit.
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| This was the only photo I was brave enough to capture. What in the hell is that white thing by the way??? |
I
visited an asshole urologist a few months ago where I learned I would need to
have a cystoscopy done. Essentially the procedure consists of sticking a
lighted tube of death up your pee hole, which they twist and turn and examine
the inside of the bladder. Next they pump it full of water to blow it up so
they can see things better (and torture the patient more). This procedure is
typically done while the patient is awake. I will spare the gory details as to
why I hate anything going in my pee hole… I just do.
The
asshole urologist I had the displeasure of meeting did not give a shit that I
have had terrible experiences that have led me to be rather shy and sensitive
when it comes to my pee hole. I tried to explain why I did not want to be awake
during the procedure. She could have cared less. Actually she found my distress
comical and in fact laughed as I sat there and cried in her office at the fear
I was experiencing at the prospect of the procedure. She told me she only
sedates patients who are 14 and younger because she doesn’t want them to be
scarred for life…
I
scheduled the appointment despite my fear. Two days prior to the procedure I
called and cancelled. I did explain to the office manager why I was hesitating.
I was sure to voice how I felt about Dr. Asshole and the fact that she should
not treat every patient the same… some of us have a history. Some of us have
emotions. We are not all perfect textbook patients. The office manager offered
to have me see another physician in the office but I refused. My perception of
that office was permanently sullied.
My
OBGYN referred me to this older male urologist. She, knowing me as a patient,
wrote a referral detailing my history and what I was looking for. I scheduled
the consultation appointment expecting the worst but hoping for the best. So on the eve of Christmas my procedure will be had. I will be under general anesthetic thank goodness.
