Pee is for Puke

Remember when I had that kidney stone? My doctor ordered me to pee in a jug for 24 hours straight, store it in my fridge, and then mail it via FedEx to the lab... Hopefully we will find out why I passed the Rock of Gibraltar. Here is the most important instruction I was giving (in bold at the bottom)

I took my piss with me to work today because I had to schedule for FedEx to come and collect it since I have zero time to drop it off. Talk about awkward. I kept wondering if the delivery driver knew the contents of my biohazard bag were when he came to pick it up. We spent like ten minutes trying to photo copy the label on the package because apparently I wasn't supposed to keep the copy that said "sender's copy." Anyway all I could think was; 'oh my gosh the cap is going to fall off my piss bottle and my pee is going to simultaneously ruin the copier and cause me to be electrocuted. Fortunately I survived. 

Now we wait to find out what the dealy-o is. I should probably just stop eating rocks. 

In the meantime Justin has  had a terrible bout of the flu. He has been up worshiping the porcelain God since about 2:00 am. I had the flu shot months ago because I had no choice if I wanted to continue to volunteer. Now I'm thanking my lucky stars that I was forced into getting it. This morning I enjoyed my oatmeal while in the midst of strange retching noise emitting periodically from the bathroom. Hopefully the storm will pass soon. 

Windy Wedding

Today we celebrated some of our old friends' wedding day :) 

Many moons ago when Justin and I started dating he lived with the groom seen above. Quickly (eight months) after moving in with his friend he realized I was the only person he ever wanted to live with for the rest of his life because he worships the ground I walk on; ba ha ha I kid... In all seriousness life was throwing curve balls at us so we took a leap and have been having midnight spank sessions ever since. 

It was refreshing to see how these two are still so in love. In fact I feel they are more in love than ever. Their wedding was beautiful atop a penthouse suite in downtown Boise. It was a bit breezy and unfortunately my flowy dress tried to Marylin Monroe me like 199 times but I was up to the challenge. 

All in all I'm so glad we got to share our friends' special day because it transported me back to the beginning of my relationship with Justin. Reminiscing about the good ol' days is fun however thinking about how much we have both grown over time (literally and figuratively ha ha) is unbelievable. Yay us. 

Here are some photos of us from today. We are so bad at taking photos. I hope you enjoy Justin's chopped off head and my weird legs. You're welcome. 

Drive By Shooting

If there is one thing that is extraordinarily uncomfortable in a professional setting it is when someone decides to do a drive by ass-ripping whilst i am in the midst of important phone calls with a waiting room full of patients. Today the culprit was busy doing some clerical work by my desk. I was sitting with two other associates when the shots were fired. I immediately looked expectantly at the baby in the waiting room and wondered if it needed a diaper change.

After about 1-2 minutes the smell was lingering like a particularly smelly trash bag which leaves its stench behind after it is taken out. I turned to the associate next to me in the most serious face i could manage and asked; 'do you smell that?' At this point I felt as though my eyes were going to burn right out of my head from the fumes. I could not understand why or how someone could have that noxious of gas.

The associate next to me calmly said; 'I thought that was you!' Then I could not stop laughing and I was terribly worried that everyone would definitely think it was me since I was having a fit. They were probably all thinking what is the matter with that gassy/possibly pooped her pants woman? I couldn't leave my post out of fear that when I left the smell would coincidentally follow me and thus I would even be more to blame.*sigh

Finally after a full five or six minutes the smell was gone. Never in my life have I smelled something so foul. Not even when I had food poisoning one hundred years ago. As to the culprit; well played my friend. Well played. You almost got away with it.

Junk Drawer

I made up a word today. 

Justin and I were downstairs on the couch after an evening apart; each with our own friends. I went to a dinner with friends and he went to a man shower. I was feeling glum since I had missed my bigger butted half throughout the evening... mostly when I was reading about rump roasts on the restaurant menu. 

I am deaf in one ear so sometimes when my ear is facing things in close proximity to it the sound emanating from said things is deafening. My ear was facing Justin's big toe which kept hitting the couch cushion in a strange fashion. I literally thought shots were being fired outside. Luckily I was wrong and all he was doing was flexing his toe. 

I was a bit on edge after what I'd assumed was a shooting spree ended which is what I attribute to my momentary spark of brilliance in coining a new phrase. I work best under pressure you see. So if ever I am in a stand off, or getting kidnapped I will be like 'quick sir (or m'am whoever the perpetrator is) write down this new word I invented and use it as your own 'til the end of your days.' Then they would think I was so smart that they probably wouldn't kill me which is cool also. 

Now the moment you've all been waiting for which really now that I think of it isn't that cool. Justin had his hand down his pants since he was being manly and I said "Hey get your hand out of your junk drawer!" Get it? Junk and drawer or drawers. Yes I know....not *that* cool but still proud of it. 

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I've been having fun at all of the locations I get to rotate between at my new job. (Is it weird that every time I say job mentally I annunciate it as yob like the little boy does in that super old "Fun With Dick and Jane," Jim Carrey movie [circa 2005 {incidentally there is not a meme on the Internet to represent what I am speaking of (or I just can't find one [it could be me really {are you getting lost in my tunnel of parentheses because I know I am}])}]) Anyway I have this thing for art and photography and apparently so do hospital decorators because they like to put it on the hospital walls. Weird I know who would ever dream of such a thing besides me. Putting art on walls. 

Long story short I found my favorite piece of art thus far this week. Behold:

'What a neat barn,' you say. We'll take a closer look my friends:

Amazeballs. Unfortunately this is not for sale. It is also roughly 3 feet tall and 2-2.5 feet wide so I really wouldn't have anywhere to put it except on the ceiling above my bed but I doubt as though justin would go for that. He did however suggest that I knick it because he doesn't think the hospital will notice. Such a bad influence Justin is on me. 

You're A Mean Girl

This weekend I enjoyed the company of one of my best friends. We went to get pedicures for the first time since we got locked in the mall together a few years ago and the Sears employees wouldn't let us leave. We made sure to schedule our services early enough in the day so the same thing didn't happen. 

We did a bit of shopping and indulged in pretzels and raspberry lemonade before we endured the painfully ticklish pedicures. We were ambling along the upper corridor of the mall when three women came speed walking towards us 

 The woman closest to me bellowed,  "Oh my God you need to move!" 

It should be noted between my friend and I only about 1/5 of the walkway was taken up. The three women took up a little more than 4/5 when walking elbow to elbow. I couldn't believe my ear as I stopped dead in my tracks and turned to stare after the angry lass. 

My friend suddenly in a valiant and brave effort to defend my honor shouted: "I don't understand how you have any friends!" 

Then we had to speed walk away because the three menacing looking trolls rounded on us and looked as though they might pummel us. 

It was pretty comical that my friend responded in the way she did. I couldn't help but picture that "Mean Girls," scene:

But seriously how do people act that way in public, and treat individuals who they have never met in such an unfriendly way?

The Time Traveler's Life

Time travel is real. That is the only explanation for my blog publishing my most recent posts in an obscure fashion. I must have been writing blogs while I was time traveling and somehow forgotten all about it. It's true what they say; "awful things happen to wizards who meddle with time." Now I know. *sigh

I don't know why I opted to write blogs while time traveling. Maybe I should have found patient zero for the AIDS epidemic and quelled the whole mess before it even started, convinced that art school to let Hitler be a student so he didn't extinguish millions of people or at least have gone to meet Gandalf. 

Anyway I don't have any idea of how to fix the posting order so I'm sorry for the inconvenience. 

Also I'm heading into a nice long weekend. I'm pretty excited about it. I will probably spend the majority of my time doing the following:

This 

And this 

That's right. Turning into a cat :) just kidding but sleeping lounging around and of course reading HP will be in the mix.