Thursday, August 8, 2013

Thunder Thighs really do exist....

It is summer and the temperatures are hot; warranting the need for appropriate work attire which sometimes includes short dresses. Let me preface what I am about to say by telling you that I am not overweight by any means. My thighs do not rub together when I walk or stand. There is this strange phenomenon that keeps happening to me though.           

Sometimes I get so overwhelmed with the goings on at work. I walk extremely fast in the small confines of our office lugging stacks of imperative paperwork back and forth. When I carelessly throw myself back into my chair, at speeds so fast that it is as though my thigh skin ripples like I am free falling from a high altitude. The velocity of it all causes this sound, which is terrifyingly like a fart. Whenever the noise happens it scares the shit out of me (no not literally although it may sound quite literal). It always causes such a shock that I quickly glance around the (fortunately up until this point) empty office, and make a mental note to squat slowly whenever returning to a seated position in front of clients and co-workers for the rest of the day.

Today we were extremely busy. A client came in and their paperwork was not where I had anticipating it being. I therefore had to go on a wild goose chase attempting to locate it. In the heat of the moment I proudly found what I was looking for. I hurried back to the client and went to plop down in my chair focused purely on my silent victory. Though a victory it was to locate the missing paperwork, it was not silent. The booming thunder thigh fart noise exploded between my legs. I quickly muttered ‘that was the chair,’ while trying to stifle a laugh. Fortunately the client was older and I am not one hundred percent sure that he heard what I had heard. He replied ‘what?’ and I, red as a beet I am sure, said ‘what did you say something?’ with the most serious undertone I could muster as I was trying to resist the urge to crawl under my desk and hide and laugh myself to death.  That will teach the clients to ask me to find their paperwork!  

In entirely unrelated news, the other day I made friends with the kitty I have been trying to pet for like three and a half years outside of my work. I am sure he would not care if my thighs thundered in his presence.

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