Thursday, October 30, 2014

Creepy Findings Justin Time For Halloween

What is the technical term for a hair fetish? That is rhetorical because I just Googled it since I did not want my readers to have to do the hard work and possibly see some unsavory images whilst innocently trying to determine the answer to my question. Trichophilia; that is what Google calls it. Anyway this is what the seller of our house had. 

A few weeks back Justin’s mom decided to clean one of the guest bathrooms and discovered a drawer full of hair clippings… As in layers of hair stubble covering the bottom portion of the drawer, *shudder. I HATE hair when it is detached from the head, coming second only to spiders (toenail/fingernail clippings are third and fourth respectively for anyone that ever wants to kidnap and torture me you now have the perfect recipe…don’t forget Kevin Bacon) hair is one of the things that scares me the most. 

Fast forward to this past Sunday when I received the following text:

Justin: Hey you will never guess what I just found

Me: Oh no, what? If it is a huge spider you have to tell me!

My phone rang and I anxiously picked up preparing myself for the worst case scenario (Aragog living in our garage)
Aragog behind the scenes Photo Credit: Harry Potter

Justin: So I was cleaning out the kitchen cabinets since it was one of the only things left to do.

Me: Okay… And???

Justin: And I found something in a zip lock bag…

Me: … uh, oh? What is it?

Justin:… a fucking pony tail!

It took several moments for me to actually believe what Justin had revealed; I am still a bit shell shocked. Since the revelation we have come up with several hypotheses surrounding the circumstances of said pony tail.

1.)    The seller was in the military. Prior to enlisting he was grunge and had a ponytail which he loved to the ends of the earth. Unfortunately he was forced to sever ties with his life-long friend upon enlistment and couldn’t bear to be away from it. So alas, he had to store it in the kitchen cabinet where he could pull it out every morning during breakfast and comb it while reminiscing. 

2.)    The seller was a psychopath and murdered someone. He decided to keep a token of remembrance from his victim: her pony tail.  Possibly he was a cannibal hence leaving the ponytail in the kitchen.

3.)    The seller was in love with some forbidden person (a sister, his mom, etc) and was never allowed to act on his heart’s true desires so he kept the pony tail around to attach from time to time to get his jollies. If he couldn’t have his true love he would BE his true love. Duh.

4.)    Maybe he just wanted to donate it to locks of love and forgot to take it with him. 

We may never know the true origins of the ponytail. Now it is somewhere at the dump hopefully making friends with all the other creepy things. 

PS- If you or anyone you know has lost their beloved ponytail may I be so bold to suggest the following as a gift? You're welcome. 
ponytail hat Photo Credit: Google

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