Monday, May 2, 2016


Remember that time like a million years ago where I burned some new socks onto my legs? I say a million years ago because as a smart, health-conscious individual I do not jeopardize the whole skin cancer business. 

So unfortunately since it has been SO long since my last sunburn I had a moment of dumb fuckery where I found myself sunburned again. I was wearing sunglasses so I look like... Well; I look... 

Yeah. No Bueno. Justin's taken to calling me Rudolph. I tried my hardest to remedy the situation by fashioning myself a wrap which only showed my eyes in an effort to match them to the rest of my face. I really wanted to buy a ski mask but after a few internet searches I realized only a certain demographic of people purchase ski masks at this time of year. I feared if I ordered one online the government would tap my online orders and reprimand me for all of the Harry Potter stuff I buy. So behold my work of art:

Justin chased me around the house for about ten minutes trying to get a piece. He claims he really likes how mysterious I look. I think he finally realized I'm more attractive when I have a paper bag or the like over my head. 

I'm in the market for a burka now. I feel like if I wore it around the house I could get Justin to do all the chores and quite possibly bake me cakes and pies. If I wear it in town and people try to be jerks I can say; "is it because I'm white?" And storm off. I've been getting kind of anxious lately and had this idea that maybe if I covered my face with my hair and wore glasses over it (think Cousin It) I could slide under the radar in public, but a burka may be a better option. I wonder if they make one with Voldemort on it. 

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