1.)
Despite
my being vegan; I am terrible at Botany class. I also kill nearly every plant
that I touch. My personal record was killing an orchid in less than 24 hours. I
assume the plants I bring home feel much like a cow would feel after being
adopted by a butcher. I would probably commit suicide too.
2.)
I
have never watched SNL, Friends, or Seinfeld. I used to win that ‘never have I
ever’ game all the time because of that.
3.)
I
have a half-brother who I have never met.
4.)
One
time a spider tried to crawl on my bare lady bits. Most likely it was trying to
impregnate me so I could make a Spider-Man spawn. It made it to my inner thigh
before I got it off of me. It was a hobo spider approximately the size of a
poker chip (with legs). I am no psychologist, but think this plays into my fear
of spiders.
5.)
My sister and I have had “alter-egos” since I
was about 10 and she was about 13. They are sadistic army kings who desire with
utmost passion to end all of humanity. They also enjoy knitting, baking, kittens
and gardening. We still drive my parents nuts when we converse about our maniacal
plans of genocide.
6.)
My
family owns an island in eastern Canada.
7.)
I
currently working on a multi-part blog posting called “The Chronicles of the Vagina
Monologues.” Actually it is nearly done, but I am terrified to post it because
it reveals a lot of my vulnerabilities and it talks a lot about my vagina. I
also have been writing a book (not about my vagina) for about two years. It too
is near completion.
8.)
I
am deaf in one ear. One of my friends in high school used to steal handicapped
plaques from vehicles and put them all over my car because he thought it was
funny that I was “disabled.”
9.)
I
have, for as long as I can remember done strange things in my sleep. One time (about
14 years old) I took a bunch of photos of myself and spread them all over our
house. I have also attempted to apply make-up while asleep (with a marker),
eaten chocolate and rolled around so much on it that my bed had brown smears
all over it when I woke up (I thought I pooped the bed), and held plenty of
conversations.
10.) Speaking
of make-up I have worn it only twice in the last decade.
11.) Though
it may sound strange my favorite book (discounting Harry Potter because that is
my favorite series) is a tie between Jane Eyre and In Her Own Words
which is written by a psychic (it is an after death story about Princess Diana)
and something I totally normally would not be a fan of. The hidden messages in
the book are great though.
12.)
I may or may not have rented a few movies
before watching them with my boyfriend “for the first time.” I used to pretend
like I was super smart and could predict the plot when in reality I had rented
them a few days prior but felt so bad that he wanted to watch them, and I had
already watched them without him. (sorry Justin)
13.)
My
worst “date” is a toss-up. One was when this guy (who I thought I was just
meeting for coffee) explained in detail about his skin grafting surgery
complete with the excision and reattachment of his nipples. He then explained
how he could not poop for two weeks after his surgery and when he finally did
it was the most painful thing in his life. Further, he went on to tell me that
he could not look at “magazine covers” because when he “got excited” it hurt
owing to the catheter he had to wear for a few weeks. He asked me if he could
move in with me via text message after our rendezvous. I declined and later had
to block his number.
14.)
The
other worst date was when I went on a walk in the summer down a dirty dusty canal
with someone who was wearing flip flops. I had previously explained to this
person that dirty feet were one of my biggest pet peeves. We got back to his
house and he asked me to close my eyes because he had a surprise for me. When I
breathed in I smelled the worst dog poop-ish stinky smell I have smelled in my
life. I decided to open my eyes, and when I did his dirty sweaty foot TOUCHED
my face! I texted him that night breaking it off.
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