Monday, September 22, 2014

I Blame Nicki Minaj and Justin

A cautionary tale for all is what I have today. So I lined the perimeter of the front door with spider traps to catch all eight-legged enemies who trespass. Despite a few casualties from Justin and I falling victim to the perfectly placed traps, we have been quite successful. Today when I was scrambling in and out of the front door repeatedly; each time going back in to grab something else I had forgotten for class, I kept noticing a big butted spider squirming on the trap.

'Hmmmm,' I thought 'no one should have to suffer until their imminent death like that. I shall spray him with toxic poison which will burn out his eyes when I get back because at least then it will be over with quickly.'

I frequently thought of the spider whilst taking my first of four exams this week. Perhaps my desire for a reparation of sorts was owed to the fact that like Justin and Nicki Minaj, that spider had a big caboose. Well the foul beast saw my weakness for juicy behinds coming from a mile away...

When I returned home I sprayed the trap with toxic spider killing spray. Much to my surprise with the first squirt not one, but two spiders sprung to life, dislodged from the trap, and ran like the dickens. I was flabbergasted and wound up having to step on one while Nicki Arachnid Minaj hustled to god knows where.

photo credit: Nicki Minaj
Hindsight tells me that the big butted enemy listened as I praised Justin's big butt and watched as I spanked him from time to time (every day goings on). He probably heard me watch that half an hour Nicki Minaj concert yesterday when I was supposed to be studying, and saw how enraptured I was by her amazing apple bottom. He then must have plotted while thinking to himself, 'I will shake my big bottom to hypnotize this fool into setting me free, it is my only hope.' Well Mr. Spider well played, well played. 

PS Happy Birthday Frodo and Bilbo Baggins

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