Tribal Pants Transporter

Today I decided to be fashionable and wear some tribal design leggings to school. It seemed like a good idea in the beginning. But all the way to class I kept thinking about how skin tight the leggings were. My shirt was too short to cover my butt so I was very self-conscious about the leggings suddenly ripping open revealing my bare ass. I tried to quell my fear by rationalizing that at least I had on underwear. Then I realized that my thong was nude colored and it basically would just be like I was running around butt ass naked.

When I walked to class I held my messenger bag over my ass. I was walking with such ferocity because at this point I felt like it was only a matter of minutes before they ripped wide open. I kept my line of vision at the ground careful to avoid eye contact with anyone who may realize that my pants were about to spring from my body. In class my fears only exaggerated because the anticipation of making it back to the parking garage was killing me. I was border-line running by the time I reached the parking garage after class, and my bag was bouncing violently off my ass-making a loud thumping noise in its wake. It was as though I was running away from my own ass and spanking myself at the same time all while a bomb was about to explode.

It was then that I realized I am better than Jason Statham because I was able to transport my own ass across campus despite the fact that it was about to blow up (the pants not my butt), and I didn't even need a car to do it. Then the bomb didn't even go off so really I am awesome. Except when it comes to wearing leggings... that I am not awesome at, unless they have palm trees on them. So for now the tribal leggings will hang in my closet until I invest in longer shirts that will match them.  

Oh and here are some Narwhals

Photo Credit: Reddit